Saturday, January 17, 2015

Interpreting Retirees’ Dreams

Kelly Ripa described a dream in which she was underwater, encircled by penguins. They were rubbing against her in a joyful way, as though she was part of their family. One viewer told Kelly that penguins in a dream mean you need freedom and crave adventure. Another said seeing fish underwater meant she’s pregnant. Kelly claimed she's not. Maybe that’s because penguins aren’t fish; they’re birds. All of this prompted me to research what certain dreams mean for retirees.

Dream: You’re about to take a nice, long soak in your jacuzzi tub. As you reach in to turn on the jets, you see that the tub is already filled with water. It’s also full of goldfish.
Interpretation: Your daughter’s triplets are finally walking. Money is tight, and she’s decided to go back to work. She’s also decided that you’ll make a cost-affective alternative to daycare. After all, they so love their nonna, and you certainly have lots of time on your hands now that you’re retired.

Dream: You’re in an unfamiliar neighborhood, desperately looking for lost pets from your younger years. They’ve moved on to the Rainbow Bridge already, but in your dream, they’re still alive. They’ve escaped from the house where you’re staying. You keep calling their names. Occasionally, you catch a glimpse of them, but they won’t come to you. You wake up in a panic and a cold sweat (not a hot flash).
Interpretation: You’re worried that someone close to you is going to die soon. Maybe someone whose name begins with the letter M. Or perhaps J. Or possibly T. For a modest contribution, we’ll give you more details; you’ll also receive our monthly newsletter: The Essential Fortune Teller, retirees’ version.

Dream: You come upon the first car you ever owned. Apparently, you still own it. It’s parked somewhere near a surveillance camera. Somehow this provides video proof that you didn’t do the smash-and-grab of which you’ve been accused. Your dream provides no information on said crime or on how you came to be accused of it. It plays like a film noir collaboration of Federico Fellini and Michelangelo Antonioni. Fellini directs the cats and Antonioni brings the noir.
Interpretation: You’re going to fail the eye test when your driver’s license is up for renewal. You’ll need expensive prescription glasses. Regular ones and sunglasses. And a spare pair of the regulars, just in case. I have no idea how this relates to the dream.

Dream: You discover a fire in the workshop you built in your retirement home. The projects you’ve started are all ablaze. The fire department arrives quickly, but the shop is a total loss. Your insurance company claims the fire started due to carelessness. You argue with them for months. You wake up before you learn whether they’ll cover the loss.
Interpretation: When you finally have time for whatever hobby you’ve planned for your retirement, it will be a disaster. Every relative and friend who finds out what you’re doing will want you to make one for them. And they’ll expect it to be a gift, even though you never exchanged gifts before you retired. The hobby will wind up costing so much that you’ll have to get a part time job.

Dream: You’ve been invited to join the Mah Jongg group in your retirement community. You’ve never been much of a card or game player, and these days concentration is a challenge. Not wanting to appear elitist, you accept the invite. Your first meeting is a fiasco. You forget how many tiles are in a pung and a kong. The game goes on for hours. In the background, you hear Brenda Lee’s song: I Want To Be Wanted, while you mutter: "The Chinese are diabolical."
Interpretation: You’ll be elected Secretary/Treasurer of the Social Committee in your community. Your neighbors have noted the limitations on your social graces and have recognized your facility with numbers and your computer skills. You decide they’re too judgmental, but you sign on for the gig anyway, because you want to be wanted.

Dream: The stock market has crashed. Really tanked. It’s wiped out almost all your retirement investments. You still have your pension and Social Security (for now), but your lifestyle must change dramatically. You’re afraid to tell your wife. She’s just been elected Secretary/Treasurer of the condo association’s Social Committee and she’s excited about making new friends.
Interpretation: This one is a no brainer. You’re worried that the stock market is going to crash. Really tank. It would wipe out almost all your retirement investments and your lifestyle would have to change dramatically. You’d better start thinking about how you’d tell your wife. She’s excited about the new friends she’s making.

If you’ve had any of these dreams, I feel your pain.

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