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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Retirement Issues — Signs You Need A Fitness Regimen


You may recall from an early January 2011 post that I’m not one for resolutions, preferring instead to share some New Years confessions. Specifically, I wrote: “If people my age haven’t managed to eat less, exercise more, quit drinking or stop swearing by now, New Years resolutions aren’t going to make it happen.”

While I still feel that opinion is very likely accurate, I’ve noticed some signs that it may be time for me to consider the need for a fitness regimen. In the six months since I finished getting the house ready to put on the market, I’ve become increasingly lazy. This in turn has led to some noticeable physical deterioration.

In short, dear readers, I’ve reached the point where I can no longer ignore the fact that age is catching up with me. I’ve concluded that if I don’t take some action and take it soon, age will not just catch up with me; it will overtake me. Ones former self in the rear view mirror is not like Lubbock, Texas; that is to say, not happiness. (For those who didn’t follow country music in 1980, Google Mac Davis.)

In case you think I’m exaggerating my condition, I present ten personally experienced signs that it’s time for a fitness regimen.

10. You buy a seven-day feeder for the cats’ dry food and you’re not planning a trip anywhere.

9. Your mid-section is almost as big around as your chest is.

8. Even your tongue has become fat; you chew on the sides when you grind your teeth in your sleep.

7. You get so out of breath when you lace up your shoes that you’re seriously considering the ones with Velcro straps. (Bite thy tongue! Oh no, wait. I’m already biting my tongue…)

6. You now empty your plate and everyone else’s. And the serving bowls. In all fairness, it’s really your mother’s fault. And your stager’s. Your mom always lectured: “Don’t waste food. Think about the poor starving children in China.” But you threw out most of your plastic containers for leftovers when you cleared out the kitchen to stage your house.

5. You buy a talking scale so you don’t have to bend over to read the numbers. Your eyes can’t see details five feet away without your driving glasses, and you’re certainly not walking out to the car to get them. Besides, your midsection blocks the view of that little window with its teensy numbers anyway.

4. Your muffin top has become more like a loaf of bread.

3. You ask your heating contractor if he can install a remote control on the thermostat.

2. The seat on the couch in the TV room is beginning to have indentations in the shape of your bottom. (Remember the mother’s bed in Psycho? Creepy!)

And the number one sign that you really do need a fitness regimen:
1. You’re too lazy to come up with the tenth sign that you need one.

Happy New Year everyone!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Retirement Christmas — The Nativity as Told by Elaine’s Trees

In celebration of Christmas, herewith The Nativity, as told by Elaine’s Christmas trees. There are three this year: two large live ones, and the small artificial one that’s especially for the cats.

Whimsical animals, handmade craft items  –  Cats’ tree  –  Gold, silver, crystal and china

Most of you think it was an angel of the Lord that appeared to Mary with the news that she would be the mother of the Son of God. Actually, it was her fairy godmother who told her she was preggers.
Angel of God    —    Fairy godmother

It was Mary’s bad luck that she and Joseph had to make a long trip around the time she was due. Something about doing a census so the voting districts could be better aligned to the population. So they loaded her onto a zebra and set off for Bethlehem.


Not surprisingly, there was no room at the inn when they showed up without a reservation, what with all those alumni coming back. Fortunately, they found shelter in a manger, where Mary gave birth to Baby Jesus.


The birth was announced by a choir of angels and by angels with herald trumpets,


and by other celestial creatures with regular trumpets.


Bells rang out throughout the land.


The birth was so miraculous that it actually snowed in Bethlehem, but they couldn’t find anyone to shovel on Christmas Day.


Shepherds came to pay their respects, bringing their sheep along with them

They tended their flocks by night, but by day, they let the sheep wander all around Bethlehem. This was really tough on people wearing sandals.

The locals were a forgiving lot, though, so they honored the Newborn by performing a ballet for His family. It may have been the Nutcracker, or perhaps the Firebird, or even Swan Lake. The Bible is unclear on the details.


Likewise to honor Him came three wise men from the East,

who followed a bright star in the sky. There were several bright stars, so it took them awhile to find the right manger. Also, they were all men, so they didn’t bother to get directions.


They came by camel, ostrich and giraffe.

Yes, giraffe.

Maybe not by ostrich. It could have been lions.

Or maybe elephants. The Bible isn’t really clear on this, either.

More likely it was by zebra, like Mary.


The wise men brought gifts of gold, kesari incense (now the most popular brand sold at Spectrum India), and myrrh.  The last of these was often misspelled as ‘mirth,’ which is how we came to think of Christmas as an especially jolly time.
Less known are other presents that the various visitors brought with them.


Then God told Joseph that Herod was going to come looking for Baby Jesus, so the Holy Family got back on their zebra and left town.

(Note that the zebra is now headed in the opposite direction…)

And that, my friends, is the true story of the Nativity, as told by my Christmas trees.

To those of you who are thinking: “Yeah, right. When pigs fly.” I say:
From your mouth to God’s ear.


Merry Christmas, one and all! And Happy Hanukkah to many!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Retirement Tips — Holiday Gifts for Retirees


Very few retirees are looking to add to their encumbrances. Chances are, they went through a downsizing as part of their retirement process. This can make it difficult to select holiday gifts for them. Here are some helpful guidelines.

If it needs to be laundered, dry cleaned, dusted or vacuumed, forget it. That means no clothing and no knick knacks. In the interest of avoiding inventory buildup, it also means no accessories and no appliances.

I know what you’re thinking: a man can always use another tie/pair of warm gloves/wool muffler. Not true. Nor is it true that a woman can always use another silk scarf/holiday scatter pin/pair of trouser socks.

There are some dirty little secrets that often come to light only when people start rooting around in the backs of closets and bottoms of drawers. (In other words, when they downsize.) Men tend to wear the same three ties over and over. No matter how fabulous the pattern is on that Gianni Versace cravat you found on super sale, it’s likely to get spun to the back of the tie rack within a year of gifting.

Remember the soft-as-butter leather gloves with oh-so-warm rabbit fur lining? They’re now under three spare sets of thermal underwear in a bottom dresser drawer. Those wool mufflers you’ve gifted ever third year or so? Food for the moths that have discovered the shopping bag in the back of the used-to-be-cedar closet. You know the bag I mean: the one with scarves, mittens, gloves (many in half pairs) and maybe an occasional earmuff or polar fleece headband.

How about that church bazaar last summer where you saw the snowman pin exactly like the one you gave your funky Aunt Tilly a few years back? Guess what: it was the one you gave Aunt Tilly. Turns out she’s not as funky as she was in her thirties. Ditto for the Gucci-wannabe and almost-Liberty-of-London scarves you gave Aunt Elvira. You’re right that she’s obsessively label-conscious, but she can also sniff out a fake faster than you can say “knock-off.”

In selecting gifts for retirees, think “consumables.” If you can eat it or drink it, you have a winner. Likewise if you can spray it or slather it. (We’re talking personal care products now, not sex aids or stuff you use to detail your car.)

When it comes to food, unless you’re intimately familiar with the recipient’s tastes, it’s best to avoid exotic items like pickled eggs and blowfish caviar. As for alcohol, you can also skip the caipirinha; everyone knows you’ve never been to Brazil.

If you can deliver it yourself, ice cream is a great gift for retirees. You’ll want to select an appropriate flavor, of course. To that end, refer to the RetirementSparks post of July 16, 2011. We especially recommend Bananayama, Oatmeal Delight or Prune Whip.

If you want to give something unusual in the alcohol realm, put together the fixings for a Mojito and pair it with one of Papa Hemingway’s books. (Mojitos were supposedly his fave.) Another good choice would be grenadine; pomegranates are the new healthy fruit. Be sure to include the recipe for a Tequila Sunrise and put in a copy of the Eagles Desperado CD—the song is on it.

As for products that get applied to the body, soothing creams and lotions are good choices. Stay away from Ben Gay, Gold Bond and anything that has ever been featured in the circular for a national drug store chain. Instead, buy something that one of your neighborhood artisans cooks up at home in her garage or bathtub. Remember: you help the economy when you buy local.

Think broadly about how we consume things. Your shopping list can include books, CDs and DVDs. Pair these creatively with other items. As mentioned above, combine them with food or drink around an appropriate theme.

Subscriptions are also something consumable, but make them unexpected. Instead of Aging Well, give Travel & Leisure. Never mind if they can’t afford to take any trips; in fact, all the better. If there’s one thing retirees are good at, it’s vicarious living.

Movie tickets are another smart idea, but don’t go for those packages that include popcorn and a large drink. Retirees and soda pop make a bad combination in a theatre, especially if the movie is longer than one hour.

This list should give you plenty of great ideas for holiday gifts for retirees. If you’re a last minute shopper, it could be a lifesaver. You can thank me after the New Year. Just don’t give me anything I’ll have to dust.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Retirement Carols — The Twelve Days of Retirement


Please do not skip ahead to day twelve. That would be cheating.

On the FIRST day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Membership in AARP.

On the SECOND day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

On the THIRD day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

On the FOURTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,    (good to have a spare)
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

[Getting out of breath…]

On the FIFTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Five robo calls—ring, ring,    (Hold that last note, now!)
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

On the SIXTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Yet another chin hair,           (they’re like the loaves and the fishes)
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

On the SEVENTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six more bottles of Barolo,   (replacing the ones I already drank)
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,    (replacing the ones I can’t find)
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

On the EIGHTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Eight Velcro shoe straps,      (I swore I’d never wear those)
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

[Now gasping for air…]

On the NINTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Nine hours a-sleeping,
Eight Velcro shoe straps,
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,    (enough already!)
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

On the TENTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Ten milligrams of Lipitor,
Nine hours a-sleeping,
Eight Velcro shoe straps,     
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,             (thank heaven for day six!)
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four more bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

[Does anyone have an inhaler?]

On the ELEVENTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Eleven committee meetings,            (I need to learn to say ‘no’)
Ten milligrams of Lipitor,
Nine hours a-sleeping,
Eight Velcro shoe straps,
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,   
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.

On the TWELFTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Twelve more friends on Facebook, (and some were from high school!)
Eleven committee meetings,
Ten milligrams of Lipitor,
Nine hours a-sleeping,
Eight Velcro shoe straps,
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.


(Siren sound in background as EMT’s arrive with oxygen…)


Copyright 2011 Business Theatre Unlimited

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Retirement Tips — Feng Shui for Retirees


Feng shui holds that our environment is filled with Chi, or energy. At its core, feng shui is about promoting balance to maximize positive energy. If there’s one thing that retirees can use help with, it’s balance. I’ve plumbed the Internet for feng shui guidance tailored to our needs, particularly getting rid of clutter and getting restful sleep. I see several of you nodding: “Sign me up now.”

Feng shui aside, we know it’s good to get rid of clutter. Having stuff heaped all over can be dangerous. I have enough trouble navigating from point A to point B without having to pick my way around objects with sharp protrusions. Let’s face it, when we trip over something, it’s rarely a soft pile of laundry. Feng shui adds the negative that clutter prevents the flow of positive energy.

Unfortunately, the feng shui “how-to” sites don’t offer much practical advice on how to get rid of clutter. Fortunately, the staging process for listing our house last summer provided some guidelines. There are two aspects to de-cluttering. The first is deciding which things are keepers and which are not. The second is figuring out what to do with the keepers. (We know we should donate or toss the rejects.)

One feng shui site recommends that you ask yourself if you really love or need the item. If yes, it’s a keeper. You should also assess if it’s a match with your current life vision or if it harks from times you remember fondly. Those are each signs of keepers, too. Unfortunately, this quasi-helpful site then advises you simply to “find a proper place to store” the keepers. Not to worry. I can help with that.

Buy some large, plastic storage bins with snap-on covers. Get at least a dozen, as you’ll be labeling them with the alphabet and should be able to double up on many of the letters. Take all your keeper items and assign them a label, and put each one in the bin with that letter. Stack the boxes in your basement, attic, garage or spare room. You have now disposed of all that nasty clutter and your Chi should be flowing beautifully.

Feng shui is also concerned with how the five elements—wood, fire, earth, metal and water—influence our lives. The element associated with restfulness is earth. Earth shapes are either square or low rectangles.  In our search for more restful sleep, feng shui would have us replace a bed with a high headboard with a futon. If my husband and I did that, we’d take a half hour just to climb out of bed each morning. Besides, in winter, we drape an old comforter over that high headboard to reduce drafts.

Since the water element can help rejuvenate and renew Chi, that could be an option for restful bedroom décor. Don’t install a fountain in the corner, though. A background sound of running water is not a good idea for retirees. Still water is supposed to be rejuvenating, but a waterbed could be worse than a futon for aging knees. Hanging a crystal in the window is a safer way to recharge retirement Chi.

Some other feng shui bedroom advice seems useful. Place your bed where it has a clear view of the door to promote a sense of security for restful sleep. If you have a TV or exercise equipment in the bedroom, hide it by draping something over it at night to “lower the sense of activity.” I doubt I’ll be tempted to start riding at 3 am, but my husband usually drapes his clothes on the Health Rider anyway.

Finally, let’s talk about a good balance of yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) energy. Supposedly, seniors are prone to being overly yin, reflected in darker homes. You can yang it up by using lighter curtains (draperies slow down Chi) and opening up space. Replace yin furniture—cushiony and overstuffed—with yang—sleek and angular. (Sounds like a metaphor for me and my husband…) I’d rather trip over yin than yang, but maybe you’re not as clumsy as I am.

Yin colors are black, white and pastels, while yang are bright, (making my stager totally yin). To balance the two, you can alternate rooms—one yin-like, one yang-y. If that feels schizophrenic, you can have a predominantly yin color scheme, with yang accents (or vice versa). I’d go with the yang accents so I could hide them from my stager if he came to check up on me.

I realize this is a lot to digest in one sitting, but I’m confident you’re up to it. Especially if you fortify yourself with a nice glass of wine before you tackle this project. Just be sure you don’t spill it on your cushy, white, yin-perfect couch.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Retirement Reflections — Giving Thanks, 2011 Edition


Jagdish and I have just come back from our Thanksgiving pilgrimage to family in Vermont. It seems appropriate for this week’s post to reflect on things for which I’m thankful in 2011. I’m grateful for:

·      The warm memory of dear friends who are no longer with us, and for the inspiration they have given me and continue to give me.
·      Another Thanksgiving with the whole family together—that’s the whole family based in the continental 48. Rick didn’t travel East from Hawaii.
·      The gas discount program at our RI supermarket. I saved 70¢ a gallon on my last fill-up. That’s a big help for round trips to Vermont, where—my sister tells me—their regional market has an even more lucrative gas discount program. (Yet another reason to retire there.)
·      Strategically placed rest areas on the Interstates. Even better, “the blade” that James Dyson invented to dry your hands extra fast. If only more rest areas had them. By the way, his latest invention is a heater—the Hot—that can’t burn you. It’s really cool looking and it uses ceramic stones. The Hot is a tad pricey, so don’t expect them to replace the boxy heaters in those rest stops any time soon.
·      An unusually warm November and duvets, because our new gas boiler was backordered and I don’t want to have any more oil delivered while I’m waiting for the installation and changeover.
·      Facebook’s birthday reminder feature that jiggles me so I can easily send greetings to friends and family on their special day. And the notes of appreciation that they email back, making it well worth the time invested.
·      The life affirming snores and snorts emanating from the other side of the bed. (No noise is bad news… Or at least it could be.)
·      Effective and comfortable earplugs to muffle those snores and snorts—especially when we’re traveling and I can’t just mosey across the hall to sleep in our guest room.
·      Extra large boxes of tissues in cold and allergy season (aka snorting season). And even better — coupons and store promotions.
·      A handsome man in an orange fur suit, who is always happy when his mother returns home from a trip, even if she’s been away just two days. And his sister, even though she acts like she never noticed her mother was gone.

I am, of course, grateful for so much more. But this list of ten seems like a good one to share today. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, if you’re living someplace where it’s celebrated. If not, you can still join me in being grateful for the blessings in your own life this year.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Retirement Tips — Boring Ways To Spend Time


Like most new retirees, I have a lot of things on my to-do list. Many of them are items that had long been neglected during my working years. Despite having this list, there are days when I just don’t feel like tackling anything on it. Perhaps it’s a carryover from all those years of putting these things off.

Last week I had a day like that. I decided to call some former colleagues, just to check in and see how they’re doing. Not surprisingly, I reached lots of answering machines, and I dutifully left messages. As of two days later, none of them had called me back. Seems like the expression “out of sight, out of mind” was created with recent retirees in mind.

So how does a retiree spend those days when you need something to do, but you’re not in the mood for anything productive? As a service to all of us, I’ve put together a list of boring ways to spend time, and watching the grass grow and paint dry didn’t make the cut.

It may seem counterintuitive to provide a list of boring things to do to cope with boredom. Everything is relative. The items on my list should make taking a nap seem like an adrenaline rush by comparison.

1.     Calibrate the timer you use to color your hair; make sure it’s in sync with the one that you use when you boil eggs.
2.     Use one of the calibrated timers to see how long it takes for your cat’s shadow to move three feet across the rug in the sunroom. The cat should not be in motion during this exercise.
3.     Read (or re-read) all the paperwork you’ve received about the annual Medicare open enrollment period. Don’t forget that it ends earlier this year—December 7th.
4.     Line up your herbs and spices in alphabetical order. You can do this within the two subgroups, or you can combine the two together into one big alpha grouping, whichever you find most boring.
5.     Clip your cats’ toenails. That’s all your cats, all their paws, all their toes. Do not try to do this while you are timing their shadows.
6.     Call your own number from your phone. Count how many busy signals you get before the call goes into limbo. This works best from a landline.
7.     Weigh yourself every hour on the hour to see if you’ve lost anything from the last check-in. You do not have to exercise between weigh-ins. In fact, the less active you are, the more boring the task will become.
8.     Reorganize the sock drawer, grouping them by color—black to the left, brightest colors to the right. When you’re done, dump the drawer out onto your bed and do it a second time, reversing the order. Repeat this exercise two more times, or until you’re so bored that you’d rather time the cat’s shadow again.
9.     Catalogue all the food in your pantry, noting the sodium content. Then calculate the average per serving and vow not to re-buy anything with sodium in the top quartile.
10. Make a list of 10 things that you think are boring to do. Read your list out loud. Then read this list out loud. Decide which list sound the most boring. Read that one out loud again.

Congratulations! You are now done with this boring retirement exercise. Feel free to celebrate with a nice glass of wine. I’m going to.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Retirement Well-being—Chants for Retirees


Numerous studies have demonstrated that meditation and chanting improve one’s health. Sounds—especially repetitive ones—can reduce your blood pressure, control your heart rate and help you tolerate pain. The power of mantras is in mind over matter. Chanting has been used to treat everything from trauma to insomnia. It can also help you find inner wisdom.

Proper chanting requires that you breathe deeply to help get rid of the emotional toxins inside you. You also need to choose a powerful mantra (a word or short phrase) that is appropriate to the cause at hand. The most effective chants employ long vowel sounds. Finally, you need to repeat that mantra over and over—perhaps as many as 50 times. The goal is to set up a profound vibration in your energy core.

Gregorian Chants and the Hindu om are the most common examples of ritualistic chanting. Today you will learn a series of chants created especially for retirees. They address a range of issues that should be familiar to you. Be sure to use the right mantra for your specific goal, whether it’s purging a toxin from your emotional psyche or finding the path to retirement enlightenment.

For worries about Social Security payments being reduced:
Place yourself in a comfortable position, hands folded across your chest. Inhale deeply. Begin chanting: “Lock Box. Lock Box.” Be sure to draw out the “o” sounds. Visualize the lock box. Mentally check the latch to make sure it is locked. Continue chanting until your pulse slows to a relaxed rate.

For concerns about Medicare prescription drug costs:
Place yourself in a seated position, arms above your head, with palms touching. Inhale deeply. Begin chanting: “Donut Hole. Donut Hole.” Once again, be sure to draw out the “o” sounds. Visualize an enormous donut; focus on the hole. Now fill it with an equally enormous Munchkin. Continue chanting until the Munchkin has totally plugged the hole in the center of the donut.

For severe joint pain, especially due to arthritis:
Lie flat on your back, arms at your side. Inhale deeply. Begin chanting: “Glu-co-sa-mine. Glu-co-sa-mine.” Pronounce each syllable as though it is a separate word. Visualize a cold compress being applied to the primary site of your pain. Continue this mantra for 25 repetitions. Then switch to the mantra “Cap-sa-i-cin. Cap-sa-i-cin” for 25 repetitions. Visualize a hot compress being applied to the primary site of your pain. Alternate these two mantras until both compresses reach room temperature.

For problems with your digestive system:
Place yourself in a seated position, hands in your lap. Inhale deeply. Begin chanting: “Fiber. Fiber. Whole Grain Fiber.” Repeat this rhythmic mantra 50 times. It should set up a sympathetic rhythm in your digestive tract that will clear up your problems. Repeat as necessary.

For help finding your true passion in retirement.
Stand with your back flat against the wall, arms at your side. Slowly slide your arms up to shoulder level, keeping them against the wall. Then slowly bring them across your body as if in a gentle embrace. Repeat this sequence as you chant: “Focus. Focus.” Systematically review every happy event in your life, beginning as early as you can remember. Those that seem most in focus will provide clues to your passion. If nothing comes into focus, you may want to have your eyes checked.

For insomnia at night, leading to the need to nap during the day:
Lie on your back in bed at night and elevate your head with a fluffy pillow. The success of this chant lies in the tension between the mantra itself and the imagery used. Visualize a large cup of coffee—big enough to keep you awake through a four hour drive. The coffee is extremely hot and you are drinking it slowly. Begin chanting “Decaf. Decaf.” Continue for 50 repetitions or until you fall asleep, whichever comes first. Important! Be sure to go to the bathroom before you get into bed.

For chronic feelings of anxiety:
Take whatever position you want to; you’re going to be uncomfortable in it regardless. Close your eyes tightly. Picture something specific that makes you feel anxious. Inhale deeply. Exhale slowly. Repeat this breathing pattern. Each time that you exhale, chant your anxiety mantra. For Jewish readers, your mantra is: “Oy Vey.” For Catholic readers, your mantra is “Mama Mia.” For all other readers, your mantra is: “As If.” If your chanting doesn’t seem to be relieving your anxiety, try one of the mantras for another faith. You do not need to convert to do this.

As we become aware of additional mantras that are especially appropriate for retirees, we’ll pass them along. In the meantime, we hope you’ll make meditative chanting part of your daily retirement routine. Along with a nice glass of wine, of course.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Retirement Realities—Losing Friends


Several times over the past few days I’ve sat down with the intention of working on this week’s post. Each time my thought process was sidetracked by the reality that one of my most devoted followers will no longer be out there to read my blog. I decided to dedicate this post to him.

I first met H. Peter Olsen, III when I began working as the Executive Director for a nonprofit about five years ago. He was one of about thirty board members and it was clear from the start that we would become friends.

Peter and I had both spent much of our careers working at large companies—he at a prestigious law firm, I at a Fortune 500 corporation. We looked at philanthropy as serious business, but we didn’t take ourselves too seriously. At his funeral service last week, the priest referred to Peter’s sage advice and his wit, qualities that I especially appreciated.

Even after I retired, we stayed in contact, mostly through email. When I decided to publish my first year of RetirementSparks posts, I realized that I would need some extra eyes to proof the pages. Peter was one of a handful of friends that I contacted and he readily agreed to help. He actually seemed honored that I had asked him.

Peter had retired shortly before I did. He was dealing with some serious health issues, but he was doing remarkably well. In an ironic twist of fate, it was an accident—a fall—that led to his untimely passing.

This sad event brought me full circle to what led me to blog in the first place. My dear friend Sheryl died unexpectedly about three years ago. Her death made me realize that we never know when the moving finger of fate will write our name in the sand. I decided to retire as soon as the numbers made sense, which was shortly after I was eligible for Medicare.

My secret ambition had always been to be a writer. The absurdity of the Medicare paperwork and process were the impetus to start blogging. The rest, as they say, is history.

Thank you for allowing me this indulgence of remembering not just one, but two dear friends who have gone on before us. If you’re out there trying to decide if it’s time for you to retire, I offer this advice. If you can do it, you should do it.

None of us knows how long we’ll have to pursue our passions, to chase our dreams. In the movies and on Broadway, there’s always tomorrow, just a day away. In real life, sadly, we can never be sure.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Retirement Planning — Condo Interrupto


Six months ago I was operating on the assumption that we would be living in a condominium by now. As the calendar rolls over into November, I’ve come to terms with spending yet another winter in our big old house.

There are more consequences to this than the obvious. Yes, dear reader, condo interrupto is presenting challenges that would surprise even the glass-half-empty among you.

Up ‘til now, the weather was atypically warm. As a result, the leaves are still on the towering oak on the front lawn, which lawn is still growing and in need of mowing. Fortunately, I did not sell the mower. The same cannot be said of the hedge clippers, and most of the bushes are badly in need of haircuts. Today I arranged to borrow an electric trimmer from a neighbor. That should tide me over until spring. (Let’s hope St. Joseph comes through with an early sale.)

This week, the weather turned bitterly cold. I guess we’re being punished for the warm September and most-of-October. We put the puffy duvet on our bed a few nights back. Usually we also drape a quilted bedspread over the headboard—a high one made of openwork white metal. The doubled-over spread cushioned against drafts, but it was nowhere to be found.

At first I thought it was one of the many things rolled down to basement storage. Then I remembered that I donated it to the nuns, along with almost-matching curtains that we never used in this house. The stager recommended new bedding, and I figured we’d have no use for the old spread once we downsized. Condo interrupto strikes again. The new spread has to be kept pristine for house showings, so it’s not a headboard option, but I’m sure there’s an old comforter somewhere that will get us through the winter.

The sudden change in the weather also sent me in search of warmer clothes. I remembered packing a lot of my winter things into suitcases, but which ones and where are they? The large one under the bed in the smaller guest room turned out to be full of antique dolls that the stager had banished. After another few false starts, I located my turtlenecks and sweaters in the cedar closet. The hats, scarves and gloves, however, are still on the lam.

Not on the lam, but forced from the house, are several large pieces of furniture shoved into a corner of our garage—an unheated structure with ill-fitting windows. I’m trying to sell two of the items, but they won’t be worth much if they spend the winter out there. Looks like condo interrupto means I’ll need to make room in the basement.

Of course, monthly budgets must now be reconfigured to factor in extra heating expense and snow removal. Good news: I did not sell the shovels at the yard sale. Better news: I’ve decided to replace our old oil burner with a new gas one. There are all sorts of incentives to convert this year, and it will be one less roadblock for a potential buyer.

We may have to put plastic on some of the larger windows in the master bedroom. The stager had us get rid of all the insulated draperies that helped keep the drafts out. Now all we have are sheers. They let in a lot of light and they’re great for showing the house, but not very practical when a nor’easter is howling outside.

Which reminds me: the stager also took down half of the insulated draperies in the sunroom (which is mostly windows.) Same story here with regard to warmth, but at least I folded up those and stored them in the laundry room. They’re probably badly wrinkled, but once they’re re-installed they’ll have all winter to hang out.

Come to think of it, now that I’m retired, I’ll have all winter to hang out, too. I’ll be doing it in a much larger place than I’d planned, but it’s been our home for 19 years. Maybe having one more winter here unexpectedly won’t be so bad after all. Now if I can just remember where the stager made me stow the wine rack…