Saturday, September 15, 2012

Retirement Ailments — The Periodic Table

I recently finished reading Just My Type, a clever book on the history of type and the development of fonts. The inside of the cover has a Periodic Table of Typefaces (H Helvetica, F Futura, Ba Baskerville, for example). It inspired me to create a Periodic Table of Retirement Ailments. As with the Periodic Table of Elements, with its Noble Gasses, Rare Earths, Haloids and such, this table of ailments groups families of items together and color codes them.

Full Table

 Left Side of Table, enlarged

Right Side of Table, enlarged

As you can see in the charts above, we begin with the Ignoble Gasses (H Halitosis, He Heartburn, etc.). Moving on, we have the Precious Mentals (e.g. Bk Bad Karma), followed by the Transition Mentals (F Forgetfulness…) and the Transition Physicals (Sh Shortness of Breath…).

Other familiar groups are the Rare Earthy Pleasures (Br Bragging Addiction and so on), the Digestoids (Bb Belly Bloat…) and the Hairloids (Bh Blue Hair…). The final groups are the Ophthal-Oral Elements (beginning with Ca Cataracts), the Dermal-Otals (Ls Liver Spots…) and the Nasal Passages (Sn Snoring…).

Be sure to also note the subgroups Social Security Complaints (“atomic” numbers 57 – 71) and Medicare Ailments (numbers 89 – 103) and the frequently forgotten Lost Thoughts (Lt, down at number 118).

I hope you find this chart useful in understanding how your retirement ailments relate to one another. A wall-sized version may be available in the future. Or not.

NOTE: If the post does not show this chart large enough to read, I will be doing a second post with the chart in two pieces.

Secret message:  Hippo Birdie Two Meece.

No comments: