It’s time once again for my annual list of
banned words and phrases. As per the past two years, politics, media and
pundits have inspired most of them. Jumping right in…
Let’s start with ‘lock (anybody) up.’ I
couldn’t believe I hadn’t banned this yet. I read through my four most recent
lists and it’s not on any of them. I should be locked up for allowing this go
on for so long, but I’m making amends by putting it in the number one spot on
my 2019 list.
Let’s also prohibit ‘impeach’ and
‘impeachment’. I realize it’s tempting to fling those around as the
Democrats take control of the House of Representatives. I’m in the camp of
those who feel the mention of the “I” word is counter-productive. No matter how
odious the language and behavior of our 45th president have been, for
now it’s a long way from likely grounds for impeachment. When the investigation
dust has settled (including whatever the new House decides to look into), we
can revisit this topic. For now, it just energizes voters who wouldn’t care if
45 shot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue.
In a similar vain—I mean vein (Freudian
slip), I have ‘narcissist’ and ‘narcissism’ on this year’s list.
No matter how appropriate those words may seem, we must all refrain from using
them. Those labels are reserved for licensed psychiatrists and psychotherapists, and only the ones
who are professionally treating the person to whom the labels are being
affixed. Considering the medical professionals recently in 45’s orbit, I don’t
expect that diagnosis to come any time soon.
The previous two banned items protect our
leader-in-chief. The next five have been provided by him. You’ll notice that
although I’m banning ‘impeach’ and ‘impeachment,’ I haven’t prohibited the use
of ‘investigation.’ We’d barely be able to have a conversation in 2019 without
access to that word. I am, however, banning two ways that 45 describes the various
forays into his potential wrongdoings.
The first of these, words that I’m
delighted to put on the lexicographic ash heap, is ‘witch hunt.’ I have
no idea how 45 is going to survive the rest of his first term without this
phrase, but I’m eager to find out.
A related expression being tossed
overboard is ‘fishing expedition’.
Some of those investigating 45 may indeed be on such an expedition. But experienced
fishermen are careful to spend their time in waters that are well stocked with
big ones.
I’m also putting the kibosh firmly on ‘rogue’
in 2019. No longer will you-know-who be able to refer to Robert Mueller as a ‘rogue
prosecutor’. He likewise will have to find another way to describe the Saudis
who murdered Jamal Khashoggi. They cannot be described as ‘rogue operators’.
Perhaps MBS can provide alternative descriptions; 45 should have Jared find
out.
Next I’m taking away ‘we'll see what happens’
and the closely related ‘wait and see.’ To see, or not to
see… That is the question. We know from two years of experience that once these
words have been uttered, we will almost definitely NOT see what happens; we
will instead wait forever to see.
Another phrase favored by 45 that I’m
refusing to allow is ‘maybe he did; maybe he didn't.’ On its face, this
provides no useful information. It’s definitional when it refers to anyone’s
behavior. It puts me in mind of a joke that went around in college. What did
the masochist and the sadist say to each other? Masochist: Beat me! Beat me!
Sadist: Maybe I will, and maybe I won’t. We can be quite certain that we’ll
never find out from 45 whether anyone did or didn’t. It will take investigative
powers to tell us that.
I’m also saying goodbye to the latest segue of choice favored by the media or
those being interviewed, specifically ‘having said that.’ If we’ve been paying attention, we’ll know he
just said that. If we’ve been doing a Sudoku and listening with one ear, we’ll
wonder: having said what? and we’ll
expect whatever comes next to put the lie to what came before.
The only non-political and non-media-related phrase on this year’s
list is ‘no problem’. This
seems to be the new catchphrase for young soon-to-be couples on Hallmark romcoms.
That means people on the street will be saying it soon, too. Maybe this
is just an age thing, but ‘no problem’ sounds phony to me. A real man would
say: “Happy to help.” And a woman would
say: “Is there anything else I can do?”
And they’d each be thinking: “I’d love to
do that for someone as (fill in the blank) as you.”
That’s this year’s list. If you find it
entertaining, be assured that I’m happy to do that for someone as (fill in the blank)
as you.
Copyright 2019 Business Theatre Unlimited
