Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Retirement Relocation –Ten Things I Won’t Miss When We Move

10. A four-year supply of freebie address labels from dozens of charities. They’ll be obsolete and I know they’ll start arriving again within a year of when we arrive in Vermont.

9. The Starbucks three blocks from our house, because we’re tea drinkers, and because a Google search shows there are at least four Starbucks in the area of Vermont we’ll be moving to.

8. Prophylactic roto-rooting of our sewer line every year. (Oak tree roots, since you asked.)

7. Next-door neighbors who are or have been in litigation with the two other neighbors whose property abuts theirs. (You know it’s just a matter of time…) They’ve already complained about falling branches from (you guessed it) that oak tree.

6. Oak leaves a foot deep in the yard and on the back patio and acorns that turn the front walk into a roller rink every fall. (That’s another reason why the squirrels hang out on our front porch.)

5. Having my fourteen-year-old Honda Accord stolen right out of our garage. It still had a few good years left, but what it didn’t have was comprehensive coverage. Kaching!

4. The view of our neighbor’s yard filled with stuff, and I’m on the “tidier” side. (Yes, it’s the litigious ones.) The only thing they’re missing is the rusted-out chassis of a ’57 Chevy Bel Air.

3. Being the favorite stop for dogs that weren’t ready to do their business at the park at the end of the block, but finally get the urge on their walk home.

2. The unwieldy bar-coded trash barrel that the City of Providence makes us use. We have the small one and it’s still big enough to hold two dead bodies. (This is Providence, after all.)

And the number one thing I won’t miss when we relocate after retirement:

1. The bat that finds it’s way into the house every two years (squirrels good; bats bad.) Though I will miss watching Jagdish chase the bat around the house with a broom.

Head nod to David Letterman.

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