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Monday, June 3, 2019

Final Arrangements—New Options


The older we get, the more we hear about deaths in our circle of friends. For many of us, that leads to thinking about our own final arrangements. Given the cost of funerals and the overcrowding of cemeteries, more of us are opting for cremation. That still leaves open the question of exactly how those we leave behind will dispose of our ashes.

That issue is often complicated by local laws, increasing pressure from environmentalists for ‘green’ burials, and logistics. For starters, you have to find someone who loves you enough (or owes you enough favors) to deal with it. Not everyone has an Aunt Edna who is willing to have a decorative urn with you in it on her mantel. And you can’t just dump cremains into a sand trap. If you’re considering cremation, you should decide in advance on the disposition of your ashes.

I’ve been tuned in to new ideas on this subject for years. I even have a file on it. A recent N. Y. Times article presented the newest offering in final arrangements: composting. That’s right. Composting. Washington is the first state to legalize the environmentally friendly “aboveground decomposition” process. Check out recompose.life. Once you’ve been turned into compost, you can be spread in a garden or wooded area to promote new life. If composting doesn’t turn you on, stick with cremation and look into companies that will scatter your ashes in peaceful, wooded areas.

The recent movie Poms is a chick-flick about senior women in a retirement community who start a cheerleading club. The instigator is a newcomer who has terminal cancer. One night she sees a commercial about having your ashes shot into the atmosphere as part of a fireworks display. “What a glorious idea!” thought I, so I Googled fireworks cremains.

HeavenlyStarsFireworks.com claims to be the market leader in the incorporation of ashes into fireworks. Unfortunately, their market is the United Kingdom. In the U.S., I found the GreenlawnFuneralHome.com, headquartered in Missouri. One of their packages is the aptly-named “Go Out with a Bang.”

Moving in the opposite direction, geologically speaking, your cremains could create a coral reef. The Neptune Society has established a 16-acre reef off Miami that’s certified by the Green Burial Council. You can see photos at nmreef.com. EternalReefs.com is a 501c3 option. Their first “Reef Ball” project was near Ft. Lauderdale. They claim to have projects in 70 countries and to have placed more than 70,000 reef balls. I haven’t been able to find out what those other countries are, but maybe this could be your chance to finally spend time in Fiji.

Most of the above options don’t enable loved ones to pay their respects to your remains, in whatever form. Good news! There are choices that let them keep you literally close to their hearts for eternity. Cremation jewelry is big business and teardrop pendants are especially popular. Perfectmemorials.com has more than 5,000 items to choose from, priced from $5 to $2,950. My own suggestion is to have your ashes embedded in Lucite key rings to be handed out at your memorial, sort of like those mementos you get at weddings.

Here are some other ideas to consider. Have your ashes mixed with tattoo ink, but be aware that it would take full body art to use up all of them, even if your portly Uncle Biff is your designated canvas. A British company will press the ashes into a vinyl record of the song of your choosing, giving new meaning to “oldies but goodies.” InTheLightUrns.com will put cremains into an hourglass after your time has run out. I assume they sift out the residual bone chunks before they fill the glass.

Personally, I like the idea of embedding ashes within a whimsical stone-like statue for the yard. I may do that with my cats’ ashes. I already have several decorative critters around our perimeter. No one would be able to tell if one of those were really a cremains container. Plus folks can easily take the statues with them if they move.

As you can see, there are several new options for when we shed this mortal coil. So many choices! One of them is bound to be perfect for you. Best to plan your own final arrangements now. And hope the person you choose to handle them outlives you.

Copyright 2019 Business Theatre Unlimited

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