Saturday, October 8, 2016

Nihilistic Security Questions for Seniors

One of the funnier Facebook posts going around is a list of Nihilistic Security Questions. Instead of frothy ones like “What is the name of your first pet?” it includes such witty inquiries as “What is the name of your least favorite child?” and “In what city did you first experience ennui?” I decided to have some fun with similarly nihilistic questions for seniors. As you might expect, this post pretty much wrote itself. Herewith, my “dirty dozen.”

How soon before your planned retirement date did you realize you couldn’t afford to retire?

How many times a night do you get out of bed to go to the bathroom?

Bifocals or trifocals?

How many inches have you shrunk in the past 5 years?

What is the name of your favorite OTC acid-reflux medication?

How long does it take you to get into a pair of Spanx? And out of them?

How many times have you left your cane on the commuter train?

Name your favorite rock’n’roll star who died before you graduated from high school.

Which emergency service provider do you have on speed dial?

How many miles can you drive at night before the halos around the street lights drive you crazy?

How many cats would you have if your condo community didn’t have a limit of two pets per household?

And finally:
How many Facebook friends did you change to “acquaintance” during the 2016 Presidential season?

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