The Modern Septuagenarian à la Gilbert & Sullivan

I am the very model of a modern septua’narian.

For seven decades now my body’s worked hard on preparian.

I take my daily vitamins from A thru E and minerals,

Including one with label gray for senior ills quite general.

I’m very well acquainted, too, with how to exit with great speed

From any public building if I’m bored or sick or feel the need.

I know the names of tradesmen for each job requiring special skill,

But getting them to show up takes persistence and an iron will.

I’m teeming with such trivia as Medicare requirements,

And all the hidden benefits that come with ones retirement.

In short, in matters newsworthy, including those contrarian,

I am the very model of a modern septua’narian.

I do Sudoku daily but my solving time’s not up to snuff,

And climbing stairs without a rest is noticeably getting tough.

But I can separate junk mail from missives with priority:

My name is not Eli-an-e, despite how bought lists write to me.

My doctors have a record of how much I shrink from year to year,

But I’m not fazed; I simply keep stepstools and grabbers ever near.

I try to get some exercise and count my calories each day,

And once a week get on the scale to monitor how much I weigh.

I do my morning stretches so my toes remain quite reachable;

My lessons on the saxophone are proof that I’m still teachable.

I check in with my Facebook friends to see whose kids are marryin’.

Let’s not forget I’m modeling a modern septua’narian.

My shoes are flat or chunky-heeled—my hinky balance is to blame;

A paragon of fitness is a moniker I cannot claim.

I pluck my chin to keep it smooth and dye my roots to hide the gray;

My hair is “older lady” short since other styles just fly away.

I volunteer my time and talent since I’m pretty short on treasure;

The projects that I sign up for are ones I can do at my leisure.

My singing and my cooking skills are—simply put—inglorious;

My sense of humor and my wit, however, are notorious.

You’ll say a septua’narian has never blogged so cleverly,

With knowledge of pop culture that’s surprising at age seventy.

In short, when chronicling those burdens that we all are carryin’,

I am the very model of a modern septua’narian.