Saturday, May 26, 2012

Retirement Tools — Candles for Retirees

Yankee Candles has just launched a new line of scented candles targeted specifically at men. Examples of the new “man candles” include “Riding Mower” (smells like freshly cut grass), “First Down” (leathery, like a football) and Man Town (“escape to the man cave with… musk”).

My husband carries Bean Pod candles in his store. They’re soy-based and burn much cleaner than paraffin ones. Because he’s a Bean Pod vendor, he receives advance notice of new lines. Here are some of the scents for retirees you’ll be able to buy in just a few months. You’ll note that they’re particularly deep on hobbies that retirees finally have the time to take up.

Gardener’s Paradise—an earthy mixture of potting soil, vermiculite and slightly damp canvas gloves. For those who are addicted to gardening, this is a great candle to burn when you’re going through planting withdrawal in the winter. Be sure to dead head the wick for longer burning.

Lounge Chair—that familiar blend of leather and pomade that tells you it’s your headrest and no one else’s. This scent is similar to Yankee Candle’s “First Down,” but less macho and more curmudgeon.

Woodworking Shop—the smell of fresh sawdust without all the mess to clean up. If you’re taking up carpentry in your retirement, this is the candle for you. Just don’t light it in the shop please.

Putting Green—the adrenalin-pumping aroma of newly mown grass, with top notes of morning dew and sand traps. Even when you can’t get to the golf course, you can always have your Putting Green.

Fermented Grapes Infusion—for the retiree who aspires to make boutique wine, light this candle for inspiration. It smells so realistic, you’ll be tempted to pour it into a tulip-shaped glass as it melts. Comes in a small oak barrel.

Medicine Cabinet—a dizzying blend of Ben-Gay ointment, Noxzema skin cream and Listerine mouthwash, whipped together to caress the senses. This one’s good for whatever ails you and it’s guaranteed to clear out your sinuses.

Fisherman’s Delight—a unique combination of just-caught bass and slimy nightcrawlers, a true fisherman’s favorite bait. We bet you’ll head to the attic to look for your waders as soon as you light this one.

Nap Time—the gentle smells of talcum powder and chamomile. Light this before your afternoon nap and sleep like a baby.

Cheese Factory—the distinct aroma of artisanal cheese with none of the milk fat. Why spend hours with a butter churn and cheese cloth strainer when you can just light one of these? As an added benefit, it won’t clog your arteries.

College Reunion—a swirl of misty memories, ivy-covered bricks, faded loves, rock music and stale beer. I’ll be burning this candle at both ends this weekend!

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