Saturday, June 18, 2011

Retirement Choices - Free Days

Aspen, Colorado recently announced (proudly) that it has become “the nation’s first true Meatless Monday community,” with a website,, dedicated to the issue. The site does not name any particular community as being a false Meatless Monday one, so it’s not obvious why the claim “true” has been appended to Aspen’s title. But the first “true” it claims to be, so that’s how we’re reporting it.

The Aspen program aims to promote healthy living and respect for the environment. (They cited the heavy environmental costs of meat production.) We’re not sure if that has to do mostly with the methane gas produced by cow flatulence or if there are more expansive concerns. In any event, this appears to be just the first of many “free days” around the country where various behaviors are discouraged on certain days of the week.

Hot on Aspen’s heels, San Francisco declared that from now on, they would be promoting Potless Tuesdays. Those who are licensed to use medical marijuana will be exempt from the calls to desist from lighting up. It also appears that the use of Mary Jane in cooking and baking would not be covered by the ban. This has led a number of wags to refer to the new program as Pot Luck Tuesdays.

Not to be outdone, New York’s Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, told the New York Post in an exclusive interview that his city was working on instituting Cigarless Wednesdays. Apparently several popular cigar bars resisted the plan to ban them outright. A compromise of allowing them to be carried and gummed, but not lit, was also snuffed out. At last check, they were negotiating: “You can light them, but just don’t inhale.”

In other news, the official site for Las Vegas tourism,, now carries a headline about Textless Thursdays. This has been clarified with a subhead: “It means no texting. We’re not promoting SEXless Thursdays!” along with a reminder that “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” I am greatly relieved. So are thousands of conventioneers, many of whom wanted to know if emailing photos from their cell phones counted as texting.

Meanwhile, in Washington, DC, word has leaked out that shades of gray will no longer be allowed on Capitol Hill on Fridays. Everything must be stated in either black or white. The hope is that Grayless Fridays will lead to the speedy passage of legislation, enabling members of Congress to get a jump on weekend traffic. It’s unclear how this will work, considering that most lawmakers see everything in extremes in the first place.

Speaking of the political process, the Windy City of Chicago is searching for its own take on Free Days. Mayor Rahm Emanuel had thrown his support behind Daleyless Saturdays, until someone pointed out that everyday is Daleyless now that Emanuel is in office. Ditto for World Seriesless Saturdays. Windless also lost out, in part because it flies in the face of the city’s moniker, but primarily because it would remind people that their politicians are generally full of hot air. We’ll have to get back to you on this one.

And finally, right here in Providence, Rhode Island, I’m declaring Stageless Sundays. On the seventh day, God rested, and on the seventh day, I’m refusing to do anything to my house that is remotely tied in to the staging process. Somewhere along the way, you have to put your foot down and dig in your heels. Provided, of course, you don’t mar your newly refinished floors or make a hole in your recently landscaped lawn.

No comments: