Saturday, February 26, 2011

Retirement Beatitudes - Blessed are They

Someone pointed out that the proverb with which I ended my last post was more of a beatitude. Not surprisingly, this got me to thinking that those who are retired deserve to have a set of beatitudes all their own. And more than eight of them. So herewith are my Retirement Beatitudes.
  • Blessed are they who have suffered through preparing Medicare Part A and Part B applications, for their health care shall be covered by Plan A (or was it Plan B?) 
  • Blessed are they who are already on Social Security, for they shall obtain their benefits from a secure lock box. 
  • Blessed are they whose knees have succumbed to arthritis, for they shall possess robotic replacements. 
  • Blessed are they who are losing their sense of balance, for they shall be lifted upon the wings of angels (or else on a really good walker.) 
  • Blessed are they who are on statins, for their arteries shall not get clogged with plaque, provided they stop eating deep fried food and cut down on saturated fats. 
  • Blessed are they who downsized to a condominium, for they shall have their lawns mowed and their snow cleared for them. 
  • Blessed are they who serve on their neighborhood watch, for they shall be known by where they live and someone will direct them there if they get lost. 
  • Blessed are they who volunteer in their community, for they shall be called “goody two shoes” even if they wear orthopedic oxfords. 
  • Blessed are they who had the foresight (and financial wherewithal) to purchase long term care insurance, for their children shall inherit their estates. 
  • Blessed are they who have signed do-not-resuscitate orders, for they shall not burden our beneficent government (and their fellow taxpayers) by being put on life support when their mental faculties have gone on to greener pastures. 
  • Blessed are they who do crossword puzzles and sudokus, for they… oh, dear. I forget why they shall be blessed.
  • Blessed are they who do not complain to their spouses all day long and drive them crazy when they stop working, for they shall not be suffocated under a pillow in the dead of night.

That makes an even dozen and you didn’t have to go to the mount to receive them. So I think my job is done for today, except for one more thing: Bless you!

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