The Enduring Appeal of Stuffies

The usual style of my columns is snarky sarcasm or social satire. This month’s essay is more whimsical. As with many of my others, it was inspired by items in the news and then acquired a life of its own.

 

Many local libraries are hosting fun events for children in their communities: sleepovers for their cherished stuffed animals. The child brings the stuffy to the library and leaves it overnight. The library takes pictures of all the toys together and when they’re picked up by their owners the next day, they go home with a photo documenting their adventure. No word on whether they have to arrive with pajamas.

 

Most of us assume that sleeping with a favorite teddy bear must end once we become “grown ups.” It turns out science has a different opinion about this. Recent studies suggest that adults would actually benefit by cuddling with a stuffed toy in bed at night. Apparently, this helps you relax. I’d try it, but I already have two cats that sleep with me. I doubt they’d move out of the way to make room for a stuffed animal. My husband has learned to give way to the cats. I think he’d draw the line at a stuffy.

 

This reminds me that I never had a teddy bear as a child. Now I have a collection, and one of my cats steals them when she “hunts” at night. I had a few dolls, just no bears. I also had two large stuffed donkeys when I was in high school. I have no recollection of how they came into my possession. I do remember taking pictures of them to put in the school newspaper to promote a special event. Our faculty played our seniors in donkey basketball. You read that correctly: donkey basketball. I don’t remember who won.

 

Some grade schools have students send stuffed mascots to family and friends, asking them to document the mascot’s travels. The goal is to have it go around the world. My brother Rick’s daughter Jennifer sent me the owl Pueo from her Punahou School in Hawaii. I took pictures of it in front of the Rhode Island State House. My husband had one of his relatives bring it on a visit home to India. I’m quite sure that owl traveled farther than most stuffies. Recently a teddy bear was left on a plane. The pilot took him into the cockpit until his owner was located. I doubt that bear made it beyond Europe.

 

A favorite childhood stuffed toy that I do remember was Zippy the Chimp. He was a live chimpanzee on the Howdy Doody Show in the 1950’s. He even appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show several times. I received him from Santa Claus and I loved him. Zippy eventually found his way to live with my nephew Barry in Vermont. Barry had visited my parents’ home in New Jersey and refused to part with the chimp when it was time to go home. I was in college by that then and was happy to have Zippy start a new life. It turned out to be quite an eventful one in Vermont.

 

Barry dragged Zippy everywhere, to the point where his clothes were in tatters. I remember my sister Barbara telling me that she finally took Zippy to a local department store to buy him new overalls in the toddlers department. She received some strange looks from other shoppers as she held each pair up to the worn out stuffed chimp to see if they would fit him. They were all too long; Zippy had stubby legs. But she just rolled the pants up a few times and pronounced the shopping trip a success. Barry was thrilled, because they were bright red, just like his original pants.

 

Barbara might have been tasked with Zippy’s clothing replacement, but her husband Bob was required to handle his medical work. Bob was an ophthalmologist who often performed eye surgery. Poor Zippy was dragged around so much that one of his plastic hands eventually started to separate from his fabric arm. One day Barry brought him to his father to have surgery to repair him. Bob originally planned to use regular sewing thread but Barry would have none of that. Zippy’s surgery had to be done with medical grade suture thread. And so it was. The things we do for love!

 

Indeed, love is what best explains the enduring appeal of stuffies. I hope this essay has stirred up some memories of your own favorite stuffed toys!

 

Copyright 2024 Business Theatre Unlimited

Euphemisms and Idioms

A recent TV program on political scandals reminded me of a euphemism that was popular during one of those scandals. Former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford had gone to Argentina to spend time with his mistress. Their relationship had been a secret up until then. He told his staff that he would be hiking the Appalachian Trail. When his affair came to light, the phrase: “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” became a euphemism for having an extramarital affair.

I love that expression! It’s a civil way to say something critical. It set me to wondering what other clever euphemisms and idioms I had forgotten about or never known. (Idioms also aren’t direct, but they’re not always nice.) A few are political, but not all. We have Southern culture to thank for many of these colorful colloquialisms, a lot of which feature farm animals.

Here are some of my favorites. This one was used recently by a member of Congress to criticize a budget proposal. He said it was a “Pig’s Breakfast.” That was new to me. I looked it up. It’s a Southernism for an unappealing mixture, a mess.

A crossword puzzle answer that was also new to me was “Goat Rodeo.” It describes something that has gone totally wrong, an ultimate SNAFU. I immediately pictured said rodeo and it was easy to imagine it going totally wrong, no mater how cute the little goatees were. I’m waiting to hear a member of Congress describe a session of that august body as a goat rodeo. There will likely be many opportunities. “That dog won’t hunt” was also in a recent puzzle, meaning that an idea or approach is destined to fail. If that phrase hasn’t been used yet in Congress, you can bet it will be eventually.

Another of my favorites is “The Full Monty.” It first came across my radar via a movie of that title. The expression originated as the shortened version of the “Full Montgomery,” the big English breakfast favored by British General Bernard Montgomery. By the time of the movie in 1997, it had come to be a euphemism for “total nudity.” Today it’s used broadly to mean the most that you can have or achieve, or more simply: the works.

We can thank Texas for a refined way to say someone brags shamelessly about his non-existent wealth or assets. “He’s all hat and no cattle” is a phrase you’ve probably heard. Credit to the late Roger Moore in a Hallmark movie for the female equivalent: “All fur coat and no knickers.”

Staying with farm animals and Southernisms, I like the polite way to let a man know his fly is down. “The barn door’s open and the mule’s trying to run.” It was new to me, and I’ll be on the lookout for an opportunity to use it. Also likely from the South, here’s a colorful way to say someone is cheap. “He’ll squeeze a nickel till the buffalo screams” is much more evocative than calling someone a “penny-pincher.”

Instead of saying someone looks tired, say he looks like he has “one wheel down and the axle dragging.” It’s very likely Southern, but I can’t say for certain. Ditto for using “the green apple two-step” as a euphemism for diarrhea. The last in this trio sounds very Southern to me, as a way to say there’s a problem. “A yellow jacket in the outhouse” is certainly something a person doing the green apple two-step would rather not hear!

 There are dozens of idioms for saying someone is not very smart. You’ve probably heard most of them; I had, but new to me was: “She’s one bubble off plumb.” Not new to me, the following: “One brick short of a load.” “Not playing with a full deck.” “Two tacos short of a combination platter.” “Doesn’t have both oars in the water.” “The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.” “The lights are on but nobody’s home.” In the South, it’s “The porch lights are on…” There are many more ways to say someone isn’t smart, but this list should more than meet your needs.

Euphemisms and idioms are all around us. As soon as I put this essay to bed, I’m sure I’ll come across several more I would have wanted to include. Start your own collection!

Copyright 2024 Business Theatre Unlimited

Pedicure Guidelines for Seniors

 As we get older, it becomes more and more difficult to do our own pedicures. I’ve put together some guidelines especially for seniors. I’m also including some information to help you allocate time for the job.

 

The first thing you’ll want to do is to collect all the tools you’ll need for your pedicure. You don’t want to have to stop part way into the process to search for something essential. If you’re a senior, here’s what you should gather up.

·      3.5 or 4.0 magnifier reading glasses

·      Nail clipper for arthritic hands

·      Nail file or emery board

·      Cotton balls

·      Peroxide or antibiotic salve

·      Extra-wide foot rasp or number 60 or 80-grit sand paper

·      Miracle skin softener lotion

Once you have all of these items collected, you’re ready to attack your feet.

 

The Basic Procedure

 

Getting started on your pedicure is one of the most difficult parts of the process for a senior. You’ll probably want to sit down for this. Stretching to reach your feet may well be the most time-consuming step in the job. Once you can reach them, take inventory of your toes to be sure you can locate all ten.

 

If you happen to be one of the folks who have a hammer toe, be sure to include that odd little sucker in your count. I dated someone with a hammer toe in college, and it was strange to look at. His was the pinky toe and it rested on top of the piggy who didn’t have any roast beef. Stranger still, he wound up marrying a woman who also had a hammer toe. Perhaps even stranger, I know this because I was one of her bridesmaids. You’ll probably need to allow extra time to trim and file a hammer toenail.

 

Once you’re sure that you’ve located ten toes, you can begin clipping your nails. The special clippers for arthritic hands are a blessing and worth the investment. Focus on the center of each toenail. Don’t clip too close to the sides or you could wind up with ingrown nails down the line. Use the nail file or emery board to finish off the sides of the nail and smooth any rough edges. I usually start with my big toe and work my way down to the pinky toe. You can do the reverse if you prefer. It doesn’t really matter, as long as you proceed in sequence.

 

Once you’ve finished the basics, it’s time to get back up. Don’t forget that you have two feet to trim, so check them both before you consider the job done! If you’re reasonably fit, it should take less time to get up than it did to stretch to reach your toes. Now it’s time for your post-pedicure clean up and polishing.

 

How Long Each Step Will Take

·      Stretching to reach your toes                     40%

·      Taking inventory of your toes                    10%

·      Clipping your nails                                        20%

·      Filing the rough edges that remain          14%

·      Getting back up when you’re done           16%

 

Post-Pedicure Clean up and Polishing

 

If you have any bleeding from your efforts, treat the toe with the peroxide on a cotton ball or dab some antibiotic salve on it. When you’ve completed your basic pedicure and any post-pedicure treatment, you should really buff your heels with the foot rasp or sand paper that you have in your tools. Then cream your feet. 

 

 

 

Your feet should now look so beautiful that you’ll want to go out and buy some new sandals. But please don’t take pictures of your feet to post on Facebook or Instagram, especially if you’re planning to do before-and-after shots. Some of you might want to polish your toenails. I never do that. My hands are no longer agile enough for that. I’m also clueless as to what colors are trendy. I’m just happy to have the job in my rearview. If you want to polish yours go for it! You’ve earned it.

 

Copyright 2024 Business Theatre Unlimited

Banned Words and Phrases for 2024

 

For 2024 my list of banned words and phrases once again includes some from my readers and from other sources. As previously, some of my choices come from Lake Superior State University. This year Frank Bruni has also provided contributions. Not surprisingly, some are “gifts” from Joe Biden or politics in general. One is a word I banned in 2021 but folks persist in using it, so I’m banning it again. Hope springs eternal. (Maybe I’ll ban that phrase next year…) Here are my ten entries for 2024.

 

Let’s begin with my repeat word: “woke”. It appeared on many lists for 2021. Unfortunately, there was little agreement on what it means. Some said it meant you paid attention to social and racial justice issues, but the meanings of those depended on your politics. As a result the word was hijacked by extremes on both the right and the left. I’m continuing to advocate for banning it altogether.

 

The COVID pandemic was the source of a phrase that I find useless: “quiet quitting.” Many people chose to work from home to stay safe. Once the danger was over, they didn’t put in the same effort at the office as they had before they discovered how much they preferred working at home. Managers describe this reduced work ethic as “quiet quitting.” I say, get rid of the phrase by removing the employees if they’re not carrying their fair share of the workload.

 

Next we have one of Joe Biden’s favorites. I’ve included several of these in previous lists. This one was provided by a reader. “Look” is what Biden often uses when what he really means is “listen.” Or maybe even stop and listen.

 

Another reader suggestion is “impact” or “impactful.” Since this is not a word of my choosing I’ll just assume that its inclusion will have an impact on some of you.

 

Keeping in the political lane, I’m tired of hearing “time is of the essence.” Time is always of the essence when it comes to happenings in DC but essence of what? This was particularly true in 2023 when it came to negotiating the roadblock over the federal budget to prevent a government shutdown. It took Republicans 15 ballots to elect their new speaker. Time wasn’t part of their essence and we’ll deep six that phrase.

 

On a more positive note, I’m retiring “inflection point” because I want to preserve it for the singular use of describing President Biden’s Inflection Point Address on October 19, 2023. It’s been called the most significant of his presidency. An inflection point is a moment when leaders can have a significant influence on shaping the future for decades. Biden skillfully connected Russia’s criminal war in Ukraine with Hamas’s terrorist attack on Israel to buttress support for the US position on these conflicts.

 

I’ve never been quite sure what qualifies something to be an “unforced error”. I sort of get it when I listen to tennis play-by-plays. But lately it’s been showing up in critiques of political activity and candidate’s speeches. I really don’t understand what makes something a forced error, so I’m certainly not in a position to label one unforced. It makes sense to just ban it.

 

My next two selections are motivated by activities that I’d like to banish along with the words. Political activists are practicing “groupthink” in the extreme. Their attitude is to ban any independent thinking or creativity among their adherents. This tends to shut out new arrivals and ethnic minorities. In their quest for consensus, group thinkers practice “it’s my way or the highway.” Escape them via the nearest highway off-ramp.

 

A by-product of groupthink is “cancel culture”. If proponents of groupthink don’t like the behavior or attitudes of celebrities or other public figures, they encourage their own followers to withdraw all support for those figures. The worst part of this is that what’s considered “socially acceptable” is what the group thinkers decide it is. As a result, some creative culture gets cancelled before it’s had its day in the sun.

 

The efforts to redevelop the land on Maui and parts of California after the devastating wildfires have led me to ban another activity along with a word. We should find ways to help those whose homes were destroyed to be able to rebuild them. Instead wealthy investors are gobbling up the land and gentrifying previously affordable neighborhoods. Fie on “gentrify!” And fie on the other nine entries on this year’s list!

 

Copyright 2024 Business Theatre Unlimited

The Twelve Days of Christnukkah—A Poem For Everyone

 On the First day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Second day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Two Challah Loaves (With spectacular braiding!)

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Third day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Three Wise Men,

Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Fourth day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Four Kvetching Yentas,

Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Fifth day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

(Sing along and hold that last note…) Five Gold Coins,

(And the chocolate inside the gelt was delicious!)

Four Kvetching Yentas, Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Sixth day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Six Angels Praying,

Five Gold Coins (Hold that note…),

Four Kvetching Yentas, Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Seventh day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Seven Dreidels Spinning (He made them out of clay.)

Six Angels Praying, Five Gold Coins (Keep holding that note!),

Four Kvetching Yentas, Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Eighth day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Eight Menorah Lights Burning,

Seven Dreidels Spinning, Six Angels Praying,

Five Gold Coins, (Holding, holding…),

Four Kvetching Yentas, Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Ninth day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Nine Reindeer Prancing (Can’t forget Rudolph…) (And just keep singing!)

Eight Menorah Lights Burning, Seven Dreidels Spinning, Six Angels Praying,

Five Gold Coins, (Still holding, holding…),

Four Kvetching Yentas, Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Tenth day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Ten Bells A-Jingling,

Nine Reindeer Prancing, Eight Menorah Lights Burning,

Seven Dreidels Spinning, Six Angels Praying,

(You know the drill by now) Five Gold Coins,

Four Kvetching Yentas, Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Eleventh day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Eleven Latkes with Applesauce,

(And away we go!) Ten Bells A-Jingling, Nine Reindeer Prancing,

Eight Menorah Lights Burning, Seven Dreidels Spinning, Six Angels Praying,

Five Gold Coins, (Holding, holding, holding),

Four Kvetching Yentas, Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree.

 

On the Twelfth day of Christnukkah my true love sent to me

Twelve Carolers Humming,

Eleven Latkes with Applesauce, Ten Bells A-Jingling, Nine Reindeer Prancing,

Eight Menorah Candles, Seven Dreidels Spinning, Six Angels Praying,

Five Gold Coins (Still holding—You’ve got this!),

Four Kvetching Yentas, Three Wise Men, Two Challah Loaves,

(Sing it loud for the grand finale!)

And A Star of David On A Pine Tree!

 

 

Copyright 2023 Business Theatre Unlimited

 

Food Tips for the Holidays

 The holidays are upon us and that means lots of meals, both at home and dining out. We almost need a PhD in Culinary Arts to plan a proper menu these days. There are some obscure food acronyms that we all should be aware of as we choose our meals. I’ll get to those later. This is a good time to reacquaint ourselves with important eating terms. Also to learn a new term that I’ve coined to better describe where today’s food issues have taken us. As a refresher, let’s start with the difference between a gourmet and gourmand.

 

A gourmet is someone who knows everything about food, especially from a historical perspective. Her palate is so discerning that she eschews any restaurant that isn’t up to her standards. She seeks out haute cuisine and rare ingredients. You may be wondering what she does when she’s a guest at a party where the hostess is not also a gourmet. Good question! A true gourmet will travel with a package of acceptable food in her purse. After excusing herself for a trip to the powder room, she nibbles just enough to keep her stomach from growling until she gets home.

 

So, how is a gourmand different from a gourmet? A gourmand is someone who enjoys eating. Period. He’ll consume anything that isn’t nailed down. More often than not, he’s a glutton with nothing discerning in his palate. You won’t find restaurants that feature small plates and tapas on his dine-around list. He’ll probably turn down invitations to holiday parties where the fare will mostly consist of grazing on light appetizers. Chances are you’ll never hear his stomach growl, though it likely hangs over his belt!

 

This brings me to the third eating term, one of my own making: the gourmaven. You make have heard the word “maven” before, perhaps as a herring maven. A maven is an expert in a particular field, someone who is proud to pass on his knowledge to others. A gourmaven differs from a gourmet in that his field of culinary expertise is focused on the latest trends. Gourmets usually share their knowledge only as a way to show off their own expertise. A gourmaven keeps informed of all the new food information and trends and shares them freely.

 

Let’s start with some food items that a gourmaven should understand. You might already know about one of them, and that’s kombucha. I kept seeing it but I didn’t have a clue what it was. This is what my research turned up. Kombucha tea is a fermented, lightly effervescent, black tea that supposedly has health benefits. Kombucha is a SCOBY (symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast). I still don’t have a clue what it is, but I suggest we become familiar with the acronym, just in case there’s a test somewhere.

 

I also see a lot about bone broth these days. It supposedly offers many health benefits, especially for your joints, gut and skin. It sounds downright creepy to me, like something witches would brew in a huge black caldron. I have no plans to make my own, despite what the so-called experts recommend. And it’s not going on my shopping list, either. However, as your resident gourmaven, I’m obligated to put it on your radar.

 

This brings me to my last acronym, one I bet you’ve never seen before. FODMAPs are short-chain carbohydrates that are poorly absorbed in the small intestine. They’re likely to soak up water and to ferment in the colon. Sounds yucky? You betcha! Don’t even think about what must be going on down there when you eat FODMAPs (Fermentable Oligosaccharides, Disaccharides, Monosaccharides, and Polyols).

 

Research identifies these carbohydrates in FODMAP foods: fructose, lactose, and polyols. That’s all your fruits, your honey and corn syrup, your dairy, and your sugar alcohols. It also includes the lesser known fructans and galactans. Those are not aliens in a Star Trek movie. They’re wheat, onions, garlic and all your legumes. So much for the guidance that says to replace red meat with beans and lentils in your diet and to consume local honey to boost your immune system.

 

This completes my food tips for this holiday season. You can decide if you’d like to be a gourmet, a gourmand, a gourmaven, or just someone who appreciates a good meal. Whatever your decision, if you’re at a house party, think about pitching in to clear the table and do the dishes after you’ve indulged.

 

Copyright 2023 Business Theatre Unlimited

Foreign Terms To Live By

This month’s Retirement Sparks essay is educational. I’ve collected a number of foreign terms to help you live a better life. Some will likely be familiar; most will probably be new to you. I’ve grouped them into several categories to help you mull them over in some logical fashion.

 

The first category presents words that speak to being alone. Flâneur (from the French) is a person who lounges or strolls around in a seemingly aimless way. The flâneur is said to be a cool, aloof observer of urban society. I blogged about being a flâneur a few years ago, celebrating the surprising findings on my own aimless walk. The notion of being an aloof observer didn’t make it into my post, but I like that.

 

The Latin Solivagant is defined as wandering alone in solitude around the world. Sounds like a more far-reaching flâneur without mention of being an aloof observer.

 

The Portuguese Nefelibata (cloud-walker) seems rather judgmental. It’s someone who lives in their own dreams and not in conventional society. They might very well be found in Le Pays de Cocagne, an imaginary French place, based on luxury and idleness.

 

On the other hand, the German Waldeinsamkeit has a more noble meaning: to be alone in nature or the woods. It’s said to be spiritual solitude. I like the sound of that.

 

The second category is the opposite of aloneness, with just one word that celebrates being with others. It’s the Danish word Hygge, the warm feeling you have when enjoying great company. I’m sure there are other foreign words that celebrate togetherness, but I didn’t turn them up in my research for this essay. I wonder if hygge is where the word ‘hug’ comes from.

 

The third group talks to finding the positive in everyday life. The Swedes celebrate Njuta, the art of savoring the moment and appreciating everyday experiences. An excellent example of this would be the Japanese Komorebi, when the sun goes through the trees and the leaves filter the light.

 

The Greeks similarly value Meraki, doing something with love or soul. For them, that translates into pouring yourself into your work. The Hindi word Jijivisha is less specific, defined simply as an intense desire to get the most out of every day.

 

How we go about all this brings me to our fourth category, another with just one entry. It’s the Bulgarian word Ailyak, the subtle art of doing everything calmly and without haste. I doubt that would work for those with ADHD.

 

The fifth category is a variation on the fourth, but it doesn’t speak to time. You’ve no doubt heard of Marie Kondo. KonMari is the Japanese method of sparking joy by clearing clutter. Just the notion of decluttering makes me tingle with joy. But making it happen… well, that’s an entirely different matter.

 

The Swedish and Norwegian concept of Lagom is a more structured way to approach decluttering. It emphasizes achieving balance and maintaining a harmonious equilibrium, which is integral to the Scandinavian way of living. I don’t think a person can have lagom if their home is cluttered.

 

The final category defies classification and has just one entry, from Germany. It is so unlike what most of us would expect from the Germans that I just had to include it. The term is Fernweh, and it describes when you’re homesick for somewhere you’ve never been. It sounds more like an Italian concept to me. I’m half Italian and about a quarter German, by the way. So I’m offending both groups equally.

 

That’s the last of the foreign terms I turned up in my research. To help you integrate some of them into your own life, I’ve written a Days Of the Week ditty.

 

On Monday, do your laundry Meraki-style, with love and soul.

On Tuesday, do your ironing Ailyak-style, calmly with no haste.

On Wednesday, maximize your wardrobe with Jijivisha mending.

 

The second category is the opposite of aloneness, with just one word that celebrates being with others. It’s the Danish word Hygge, the warm feeling you have when enjoying great company. I’m sure there are other foreign words that celebrate togetherness, but I didn’t turn them up in my research for this essay. I wonder if hygge is where the word ‘hug’ comes from.

 

The third group talks to finding the positive in everyday life. The Swedes celebrate Njuta, the art of savoring the moment and appreciating everyday experiences. An excellent example of this would be the Japanese Komorebi, when the sun goes through the trees and the leaves filter the light.

 

The Greeks similarly value Meraki, doing something with love or soul. For them, that translates into pouring yourself into your work. The Hindi word Jijivisha is less specific, defined simply as an intense desire to get the most out of every day.

 

How we go about all this brings me to our fourth category, another with just one entry. It’s the Bulgarian word Ailyak, the subtle art of doing everything calmly and without haste. I doubt that would work for those with ADHD.

 

The fifth category is a variation on the fourth, but it doesn’t speak to time. You’ve no doubt heard of Marie Kondo. KonMari is the Japanese method of sparking joy by clearing clutter. Just the notion of decluttering makes me tingle with joy. But making it happen… well, that’s an entirely different matter.

 

The Swedish and Norwegian concept of Lagom is a more structured way to approach decluttering. It emphasizes achieving balance and maintaining a harmonious equilibrium, which is integral to the Scandinavian way of living. I don’t think a person can have lagom if their home is cluttered.

 

The final category defies classification and has just one entry, from Germany. It is so unlike what most of us would expect from the Germans that I just had to include it. The term is Fernweh, and it describes when you’re homesick for somewhere you’ve never been. It sounds more like an Italian concept to me. I’m half Italian and about a quarter German, by the way. So I’m offending both groups equally.

 

That’s the last of the foreign terms I turned up in my research. To help you integrate some of them into your own life, I’ve written a Days Of the Week ditty.

 

On Monday, do your laundry Meraki-style, with love and soul.

On Tuesday, do your ironing Ailyak-style, calmly with no haste.

On Wednesday, maximize your wardrobe with Jijivisha mending.

On Thursday, do not churn; just enjoy Lagom equilibrium.

On Friday, let KonMari inspire you to declutter and clean.

On Saturday, bake and savor the day Njuta-style.

On Sunday, rest à la Nefelibata. Live on clouds in your dreams.

 

On Thursday, do not churn; just enjoy Lagom equilibrium.

On Friday, let KonMari inspire you to declutter and clean.

On Saturday, bake and savor the day Njuta-style.

On Sunday, rest à la Nefelibata. Live on clouds in your dreams.

 

Don’t expect to find this embroidered on panties, but I might get it put on a dish towel.

 

 

Copyright 2023 Business Theatre Unlimited

The Great Gender Pronouns Debate

September is my birthday month and it seems like a good time to jump in on the debate over gender pronouns. If you’ve noticed emails or letters with “she/her” or “he/him” after the name of the person who sent the message, you’ve already been touched by this debate. It’s gained fairly wide acceptance rather quickly and has likely left many of you wondering what the heck it’s all about.

 

I’m not sure who or what started it. Perhaps androgynous young people did. Or those transitioning from one sex to another. Whatever the answer, a common solution seems to be to refer to everyone as “they/them” even in the singular. If you don’t want to be a “they,” be sure to put “she” or “he” after your name.

 

I can remember when the great gender-related debate was whether to refer to a woman as “Miss” or “Ms” if you knew she wasn’t married. It didn’t take long for “Mrs” to be replaced by “Ms,” too. “Mr” had survived the fray until recently. Now that’s up for grabs as well. The other day I saw a signature line on something written by a man that had “Mx” on it. That’s one way to duck the issue.

 

So, what other options do we have other than “they/them”? How about just “it”? “It” has served us well for time immemorial as a way to reference something of an unknown sex. Ditto for using “the uni,” short for unisex. Here’s another option, one I haven’t heard used before: “the neut.” That’s supposed to refer to something that’s had the sex it was born with removed. That seems to be the reason some people jettison the “she/her” and “he/him” options (not literally). If you just want to confuse people, go with she/him and he/her, alternating genders.

 

Language isn’t the only place where gender is in play. Baby showers now usually include a gender-reveal feature. Sometimes the baby’s sex is shown via pink or blue layers of a cake. Often a huge balloon is popped and colored confetti rains down. Some couples spend a lot on elaborate reveals. I hope the babies will be comfortable with the pronouns they’ll be born to live with. Thoughtful parents could consider preserving their children’s options by combining both colors in their reveals, the equivalent of “they,” with a caveat that there are not twins on the way.

 

In this sex-aware culture, another gender feature occurred to me. I never thought about it until now, but belly buttons could be considered to have genders, too. Innies would be female; outies would be male. (Visualize that for a minute.) This may sound crazy, but is it really any more ridiculous than referring to a single person as “they”?

 

When I was getting ready for college, my father and I put together a hi-fi system for me using a Heathkit. He was explaining the connector cables to me, but we didn’t have those yet. He said that the male end would go in the back of one of the items (I forget which now) and the female end would attach to something else. I foolishly asked him how I would know which end of the cable was the male.

 

It would have been so easy for him to just wiggle his pointer finger at me, and then poke it into his loose fist. Instead, he turned purple, got out the Heath catalog and turned to the cable page. He stammered something as he pointed to one of the pictures. The light bulb went on over my head, and I assured him I now understood. I can’t tell you how relieved he was!

 

Who knows where this gender pronouns debate will lead over time. Will baby clothes that are considered specifically female or male be shunned? There are already a plethora of names that are so unisex they offer no clue to the gender of the person who bears them. In fact, one of the websites that ranks baby names by popularity added a unisex column to its lists two years ago. Picture this: You peer into a carriage at a newborn in a yellow onesie. You don’t want to ask the baby’s sex, so you ask “their” name. It’s Taylor or Morgan. Good luck with that.

 

Somehow there needs to be a stop to this gender pronouns debate before it gets completely out of control. I don’t have any idea how to do that. If you have a suggestion, feel free to send it to me, Elaine Decker, I/me.

 

Copyright 2023 Business Theatre Unlimited

Barbie Mania

 Barbie Mania is running rampant. Her movie launched the same weekend as the mega hit Oppenheimer, creating the phenomenon dubbed “Barbenheimer.” Their weekend sales set records. Barbie had the highest-grossing debut of 2023 during the fourth-largest U.S. box office weekend of all time. Mattel, Inc. officially debuted Barbie in 1959 at the American International Toy Fair in NYC. That was the year I entered high school, so I never owned a Barbie doll and I don’t plan to see the movie.

Five actresses graced a Time magazine cover in July; they share the Barbie role. They’re all tall and thin but only one looks anything like the iconic doll. My husband said the cover reminded him of the sixties British model, Twiggy. Other than the tall and thin of it, I didn’t see Twiggy at all. I made a gangly Twiggedy Ann doll for my broher-in-law’s niece when I was in college. The doll had short, yellow yarn hair and a pink button nose and looked more like Twiggy than the women on the Time cover.

The quintet of actresses on that cover were selected to represent incarnations of Barbie over the decades. She began in Palm Springs and evolved to the White House, reflecting changing ideas about girls. You can still find classic blonde Barbies, but there are also Black, LatinX, Asian and trans ones. She’s been said to have an ingratiating smile and impossible curves, not to mention ample boobs. I don’t know if the actresses meet all those criteria, but based on the Time photo, at least three have the boob thing covered.

It’s not just in theaters that the movie has caused Barbie Mania. Retailers have hopped on the Barbie bus, too. Their merchandise and store displays are drenched in pink and fuchsia. Medical techs are now padding around their facilities in fuchsia Crocs. Can pink hair be far behind?

The doll I remember most from my childhood is Ideal’s Toni. I have one in my collection. She pre-dated Barbie by about a decade. The original Toni had long blonde hair and long thin legs, but she wasn’t a fashion doll. Home hair perms appeared in the early 1950’s. The Toni brand was especially popular. It was promoted with the Toni doll and Tonette, a home perm kit for little girls, just like their mother's.

 

My mother permed her hair at home. When Tonette came out, she decided to perm mine, too. Have you ever smelled the curling solution from the fifties? If so, you’ll know that this was a “misery loves company” move on my mother’s part. More about that later. If the smell wasn’t bad enough, the kinky curls it left me with added injury to insult. I have a school picture to prove it.

 

The beautiful Toni doll made my experience with Tonette worthwhile. The Ideal Toy Company made the doll from 1949–1953. The other saving grace is that they also provided little paper dolls. I was very much into those. I searched for some on eBay, but the only ones available seemed to all be laser cut reproductions.

I have a real Toni doll in her original dress. I sold the blonde one, but I still have a brunette. Why would I settle for repro paper ones? The doll was one of the most popular ever made. They generally sell for up to $50 if they’re in good condition in nice dresses. Even without Barbie Mania, vintage Barbies fetched several thousand dollars, especially if they were very old or were in an unusual outfit. They’re probably worth more now.

Smelly home perms weren’t the only torture my mother subjected me to. She had a home beauty treatment to take care of the mustache that Brunettes have on their upper lip. Never mind that I was too young to have noticeable hair there. In another example of “misery loves company,” when my mother bleached her own mustache, she had me do mine. We made a paste probably with amonia and peroxide. I don’t recall exactly. It smelled terrible, burned like hell, and my mustache looked the same when I was done.

 

I’ll bet Barbie never had to bleach her mustache. Ken would probably have been too preoccupied staring at her boobs to notice a mustache anyway.

 

Copyright 2023 Business Theatre Unlimited.