The Latest Weird Trends

Every now and then I like to report on the latest weird trends. Two that I’ve noticed lately seem geared toward helping folks deal with anger and stress. The first is the growth of an offbeat physical hobby—axe throwing.

My first exposure to this was small signs along the roadside when I was running errands. The signs looked temporary, like the ones that advertise local blood drives or craft shows at the middle school. They included an address nearby. At first I thought it was for a pop-up event. Then I saw signs on a different route, for a different address. Still not what looked like a permanent sign, but it had me questioning how a relatively small area of Connecticut could support more than one place for axe throwing.

This led me to wonder if you need to bring your own gear—protective equipment, weaponry, etc. Or is it more like bowling, where you show up, and the fee to use the lane includes the shoes and ball? Does one even throw an axe in a lane? I wasn’t curious enough to research this. As stressed as I am about the political scene, I’ve yet to reach the point where I’m ready to toss lethal weapons around. Of course, November is a long way off.

Then I saw an axe-throwing commercial on a local TV station. Those ads are a lot more expensive than makeshift roadside signs. A quick online search turned up several places in my area where I can partake in this anger-releasing activity. The nearest site to me—Axe-it!—encourages you to book a party. Corporate Team Building, Birthday and Bachelor/ette. One FAQ suggests wearing closed-toed shoes (surprise, surprise). And yes, shoes are available for rent. They encourage you to sign their waiver on-line to save time at check-in. And no, I didn’t read the waiver, but I can easily imagine what’s in it.

I’ll be curious to hear if any of my readers have thrown an axe—legally or otherwise. Meanwhile, I’m moving on to the second weird trend: Elderberry Syrup. This age-old elixir is an anti-inflammatory, rich in antioxidants. It’s purported to fight colds, the flu and viruses. With the Coronavirus consuming much of the media bandwidth, can anyone be surprised that elderberry is growing in popularity? It also seems inevitable that this juice will soon be in competition with CBDs to relieve stress.

Before you become too enamored of this miracle drink, let’s take a look back into movie history and revisit Cary Grant’s 1944 classic Arsenic and Old Lace. For those unfamiliar with it, here’s a recap. Grant’s two eccentric elderly aunts rent rooms to lonely old bachelors. They serve them poison-laden elderberry wine to liberate them from their “suffering.” They initially hide the bodies in their window seat, which is where their nephew finds one on a visit. Grant’s disturbed uncle Teddy thinks these corpses are yellow fever victims who got the disease while building the Panama Canal, so he buries them in the basement of his sisters’ house.

Grant assumes that the delusional Teddy is behind the window seat murder, until his aunts cheerfully explain what they’ve done. They spiked their elderberry wine with arsenic, strychnine and cyanide, and then offered it as a welcoming drink to each elderly bachelor who responds to their “Room for Rent” sign. The comedy just keeps getting sillier. I’m sure it was the inspiration for a classic episode of Fawlty Towers. Suffice it to say that Arsenic and Old Lace is an apt title for this film. But it really should have been Arsenic, Old Lace and Elderberry Wine. Rent it, buy it, download it, but however you get it, watch it, even if you’ve seen it before.

My husband brought home some elderberry syrup for us. It’s actually quite pleasant. I’m not sure how much of a virus shield it provides, but I’ll keep drinking it now and then. Axe-throwing, on the other hand, will never be a hobby I take up. I’m way too clumsy for that. Even with close-toed shoes, I’d be likely to come home missing at least one of my little piggies.

Copyright 2020 Business Theatre Unlimited

Things That Are Scarier Than the Election

Like many Americans, I find the discussions surrounding the upcoming presidential election distressing. The prospect of who might win in November is a major source of anxiety for me. In hopes of making this blog less political, I won’t say which person alarms me the most, but you can probably guess.

Some people cope with their fears by going to a shrink, but that’s not an option for me. Those professionals are inundated with new clients; plus I’m on a fixed income. I’ve been considering other ways to address this problem. I’ve come up with a surefire way to stop worrying about who will be our next president. I’m gathering ideas that are even scarier than the possible (or—bite my tongue—probable) election results.

I considered fear of an economic meltdown and spiraling health care costs, but they cause me only mild agita. Besides, those are either cyclical, or their trajectory can be altered with committed changes in policy.  The explosive growth of bulletproof clothing and backpacks aren’t personally relevant for me. If I want to block out the election process, I need to focus on worries that will be irreversible and that hit me directly.

The first one that came to mind that met that criterion is our environment. And by “our” I mean the world’s. The consequences of climate change are just one aspect of what gives me a knot in my stomach. The arctic permafrost is thawing and there’s no return from that. There’s also air pollution, water contamination and the destruction of habitats for endangered species. Denial of global warming is just the tip of the environmental destruction iceberg. The rollback of regulations that were put into place to protect our world is making the prospects for our future even scarier. This is definitely something to keep me awake at night.

Here’s something else to keep me up: fake news. I’m not talking about the countless lies that are promulgated on Facebook and certain cable channels. I’m terrified about the direction that improved technology is taking us. Video editing capabilities are advancing rapidly. They will soon reach the point where even the most experienced techies will not be able to determine if a piece of taped footage has been altered.

I’m not talking about those ham-fisted memes any of us can tell have been doctored. In the future, even the experts won’t be able to detect fake pieces. That means one party to an argument will be able to put someone’s face on someone else’s body. They’ll be able to cobble together audio of a person’s voice to say things they never uttered in reality. This scares me even more than 1984’s Big Brother. Simply put, none of us will know what news is true and what’s fake.

If I reach the point where I’m inured to threats to our environment (unlikely) and to fabricated reality (a distinct possibility), there will always be mega companies like Amazon, Google and Facebook to set off my alarm bells. Some folks would include Apple on this list, but I’m a die-hard Mac user, so Apple doesn’t bother me. These giants are controlling more and more of our daily lives. From the products we use and consume to the information to which we’re exposed, a handful of Goliaths are spreading their tentacles ever deeper into our existence.

They’re increasingly forcing mom and pop operations out of business; not just brick and mortar stores, but also smaller on-line companies. Why “shop small” if you can get it cheaper on Amazon, and delivered quickly, at that? And you can’t easily buy from a local supplier if you can’t find them when you search using a monopolistic engine.

The end point of this control is that eventually we could all be doing the equivalent of driving black Ford Model-T’s in many aspects of our lives. Trading choice for convenience. And we won’t even realize it’s happening until it’s too late. Trivia note: from 1914 through 1925, the only color the Model T came in was black. If Facebook continues to expand, we may be unable to escape the manipulation of our social media lives as well. Scary prospects indeed.

So here are three trends that could easily paralyze me if I contemplate them too much. Their one redeeming quality is that they keep me from stressing over the upcoming presidential election. Right now that’s a swap I’m willing to accept. Feel free to make suggestions for other scary thoughts for me to consider. November is a long way away.

Copyright 2020 Business Theatre Unlimited

In Praise of Politics-Free Zones

I was one of the organizers for my recent 55^th high school reunion in New Jersey. Just 40% of our class went on to college back then. In addition to college prep, the school provided vocational and skill-oriented tracks such as auto mechanics, shop, industrial design, beauty culture, secretarial and home economics. The committee members knew that the political leanings of our class range from far right to far left, even just among the six of us. We agreed to declare the event a “Politics-Free Zone.” We posted notices and made an announcement at the beginning of the Saturday night dinner.

I’ve spent much of the past two years alternating between semi-depression and extreme stress. The last thing I wanted to do at my high school reunion was get into arguments about politics. My best friend from grade school (also on the committee) is one of those who hold views one hundred eighty degrees opposite from mine. We’ve managed to stay civil on our Facebook posts and not let these differences affect our friendship—an increasingly rare accomplishment. The fact that we see each other only every few years probably helps, but still…

So it was with some trepidation and a higher than normal stress level that I reached this milestone event after a four hour drive that should have taken two and a half hours. The committee had a brief confab about whether we needed to publicly state no politics, since that was posted on two of the information boards in the room. We decided to do so, but low key, emphasizing that we’re all adults.

Now that the weekend is in my rear-view, I’m happy to report that there was no shouting, no physical violence and no sniping as far as we could tell. Everyone seemed to have an enjoyable time. We shared stories of various trips from one end of the globe to another. Some folks focused on their grandchildren, with photos to support their pride-worthy accomplishments.

Two recent widows who were there had been reluctant to come. I told each of them that she wouldn’t be the only one having had a recent loss. (We had a recent widower, too.) They were able to share their struggles over what to do after so many years with one spouse, and how they were finally emerging from the fog of grief. They were glad they decided to make the trip. The class had invited a handful of our teachers who were still around to be our guests. The event offered the chance for everyone to meet on more level ground at this point in our lives.

I arrived home after a stress-free two and a half hour drive, feeling as though I’d had a mini-vacation. As I thought about the weekend, I realized that a big part of my upbeat mindset was that I hadn’t turned on a TV for three days. I had no conversations about politics or the upcoming election. There were plenty of other things to discuss. Who was still playing in a band or had recently taken up an instrument again. Who had retired but was brought back by her company as a consultant, making more than when she was on staff and with dental benefits, too. Who recently became a vegetarian or is trying that Paleo diet.

There was a lot of talk about joint replacement surgeries. My husband (who had his second knee done three days after the reunion) found someone to chat with through most of Saturday dinner—the husband of one of my classmates. I think they discussed the economy and world trade—perilously close to politics in my opinion, but apparently not in theirs. Everyone agreed that the “no politics” rule made it safer to approach old friends to ask where life had taken them.

As you enter into what is often the most stressful season of the year, I urge you to declare your holiday "politics free". You can make a lovely little sign with holly and berries on it. And if Uncle Biff insists on getting into it with Aunt Edna, tell them politely to take it outside. You’ll thank me by the time you’re doing the dishes.

Copyright 2018 Business Theatre Unlimited

Health Tidbits: Hearts, Brains, Stress and More

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a potpourri post, but I’ve been collecting health tidbits for months. I’m now sharing these for your enlightenment, in case you missed them.

In the general health category: drinking can reduce the risk of death. This was reported in the September 4, 2017 issue of Time magazine. The snippet cited the finding in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology. Light to moderate drinking correlated to a 20% reduced risk of death (vs. no drinking at all). “Light to moderate” was defined as 14 or fewer drinks per week for men and 7 or fewer for women. Looks like I need to uncork a bottle of vino more often. There goes that diet where I count calories…

About a month later another report in Time informed us that the American Heart Association found evidence that meditation lowers blood pressure or stress hormones. The net takeaway? Lowered risk factors for heart disease. I’m a big believer in meditation. But now I’m stressed because when I’ve had a glass or two of wine, I have difficulty focusing well enough to meditate. Choices, choices.

This same issue promised that just an hour or two of exercise each week could prevent depression. Based on my experience, so can a few glasses of Chianti Classico. The American Journal of Psychiatry studied 33,000 people for this report. Those who didn’t exercise were 44% more likely to develop depression during the 11-year follow-up phase. No guidance was provided on what constituted “exercise,” but I doubt that it was lifting a wine glass every evening.

This next tidbit from a double issue of Time in July 2017 came as no surprise to me: “Forgetting things can make you smarter.” I did a blog post on a related topic in July 2013—“Why We Forget More As We Age.” Time reported an item in Neuron that claimed forgetting the old stuff “clears out details that don’t matter,” making room for newer (and presumably more useful) info. My post provided a scientific basis for this. For starters: Similar to the way that a woman is born with a finite number of eggs in her ovaries, our brains have a finite capacity for the number of things we can remember.

My explanation continued. Once our hippocampus is full (usually as we approach retirement age), there’s no more room for new stuff. Depending on your sentiments and the type of brain you have, you either fail to store any new information, or the new information bumps out something older that’s already in there. I then launched into an explanation of the accounting methods LIFO (Last In, First Out) and FIFO (First In, First Out) and how to control your brain type. I won’t bore you with where this went. If you want to know, read the 2013 post: https://retirementsparks.blogspot.com/2013/07/why-we-forget-more-as-we-age.html.

I will, however, share this suggestion that I made: Scientific advancements enable a woman to use a donor egg to create a baby. We need to co-opt that science for gray matter in order to counteract the forgetfulness that comes with aging. We donate blood. We donate bone marrow. Is it too much to ask to be able to donate a few cells from one hippocampus to another?

Finally, the Healthy You column in the August-September 2017 AARP Magazine was titled: “When Your Brain Has A Mind of Its Own.” In it, Stanford neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky provided some insight into how our previous experiences can influence the way we interpret current life situations. He contends, “Our most impulsive actions aren’t always determined by the moments when they happen.”

He further explained why some people feel more stress than other folks. His most useful (but not earth shattering) observations: If you have no control over what’s going on, you’ll be stressed. Ditto if you don’t have any outlets for your frustration and you lack social support. I think Sapolsky is missing a significant causal factor for stress in our lives: the absence of a fine glass of wine when we really need one. He also missed one foolproof way to reduce stress.

Here’s my quartet of anti-stress advice: get a hobby, cultivate a few good friends, and stock up on fine wine or a nice IPA craft beer. Then grab one of the cats that you adopted form the local shelter for a relaxing, purr-filled nap.

Post-Election Mental Disorders

Health professionals are citing an increase in mental disorders since the presidential election. One of the most prevalent is Post-Election Stress Disorder (PESD), which apparently affects women more than it bothers men. I can vouch for that. PESD is just one of several mental health issues I’ve been afflicted with since the election.

In the February 17 New York Times, Richard Friedman cautioned against diagnosing someone we haven’t met (say perhaps #45). To be able to diagnose a mental problem—Narcissistic Personality Disorder for example—a mental health expert has to actually spend time with the patient. Friedman did, however, give everyone a pass on discussing someone’s narcissistic character traits. But this isn’t about the President’s traits; I’m chronicling the mental problems he’s causing others.

I’ve spent plenty of time with myself since the election, so I’m qualified to self-diagnose. I’m not sure whether my ailments will make an appearance in the next edition of The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM). But this I can tell you: they’re big league mental issues and I’m not the only person suffering from them. Take for example TITMO.

Trump In The Media Overload has forced me to stop watching most news stations. I make an exception for the BBC’s World News and Newshour on PBS, but sometimes I have to turn off even those revered stations. I don’t care if the story has anything to do with politics or not. I don’t even care which Trump it’s about. I’m just weary of hearing that name, no matter how it’s used. I’m grateful I never managed to master bridge.

TITMO isn’t my only post-election condition worthy of appearing in the DSM. SSIPPI should also be added. That’s not a new abbreviation for the state that kisses the Gulf of Mexico between Louisiana and Alabama. It stands for Social Security Insecurity—Psychotic Phobia Insomnia. Like many others, I’m kept awake at night worrying about potential reductions in Social Security and Medicare, two staples of any retiree’s existence.

Then there’s FFATAS, or Fake Facts and Alternative Truths Avoidance Syndrome. This is one of the main reasons I don’t listen to the political commentators’ shows any more. Be careful not to confuse FFATAS with FATASS. The latter are Foppish Asinine Trumpisms Aired by Sean Spicer. FATASS is not a disorder, but it often causes one. FFATAS, on the other hand, is frequently induced by Kellyanne Conway.

Speaking of whom, we should also mention KCDC-ACDC. That’s Kellyanne Conway’s Defunct Credibility—Always Citing Donald’s Comebacks. This is her own personal issue, so it won’t be eligible for inclusion in the DSM. One of the few bright spots of the post election chaos is that several media outlets have now banned Kellyanne from their interview lists.

A disorder many will recognize is SWOVAR, the Shock When Opposing Views Are Revealed. This condition occurs when we find out that the political positions of certain friends and family members are the opposite of our own. People we’ve known and interacted with forever are suddenly exposed as “other.” Our reactions include: How could I not have known? And: You’ve got to be kidding me!

An especially worrisome condition caused by the divisiveness that has resulted from the election is TASS. This is not the Russian news agency. It’s the Two Americas Solution Syndrome. Folks suffering from TASS have concluded that the best way to restore mental equilibrium is to split up the U.S. into two separate countries. Here’s how it would work.

Any state that touches the Atlantic or Pacific Oceans would become part of Blue America. Most states that don’t touch an ocean would become Red America. Of course, it would make more sense to call that White America, given the anti-immigrant and White Supremacist leanings of most of them. States that border the Great Lakes could hold a referendum on which America to join. North and South Carolina, Georgia, Colorado and New Mexico would just have to muddle through.

Many readers will reject this extreme solution, pointing to the Civil War to prove how dangerous it is. Others will cite the massive migration of families after the partition of India and Pakistan to show the disruptions TASS would cause. (Many of the golfing enthusiasts in my Connecticut condo community would likely head to Arizona.) TASS may have its critics, but I’m transported to a zone of serenity just imagining it.

Health Boosters

I’ve recently embarked on a walking program with a neighbor who shares my physique (short) and has similar goals (weight loss and such). We’ve been walking 3.4 miles around the golf course three mornings a week. Our time is already down under 18 minutes per mile and it’s amazing what a difference 10 miles at that pace can make. At my annual check up my blood pressure was 120 over 70; I haven’t seen those numbers in years.

Two issues of Time magazine in July had articles on ways to improve your health. One focused on exercise—no surprise there. Another explained ways that nature can lead to a healthier you. I was curious to see how I could augment my exercise routine to boost its health benefits. I was especially interested in the intersections of these two areas, since walking around our golf course combines exercise and nature.

Surprisingly, there were only a few areas of overlap. Even more surprising, lower blood pressure—a key health benefit based on my own experience—wasn’t mentioned under exercise, but it was listed under nature. I’ve thought of some other things that weren’t mentioned, though I can’t imagine why not. More on that in a minute.

One common health advantage was reducing the risk of serious cancers (exercising)/ promoting cancer fighting cells (spending time in nature). Another was to stave off depression (and also anxiety, if you’re out in the greenery). After that, it started to get fuzzier to find commonality.

The nature article claimed that even “fake” nature can be helpful. Potted plants (I assume live ones, not plastic), looking out the window at greenery, listening to those New Age CDs. This seems like a stretch to me, but I suppose if one lives in the concrete jungle, it’s better than nothing.

Speaking of stretching, exercising—especially yoga—is credited with having mind-body benefits. Spending time in nature can increase awe. Seems like doing yoga outdoors would maximize both of those benefits. Yoga in the park is a scene in a lot of movies. Remember Robert De Niro in The Intern? Oh wait. That was tai chi.

Soaking in some nature can relieve ADHD symptoms by improving one’s ability to focus. I wouldn’t categorize myself as hyperactive, but I certainly could use some help in that focusing area. Now, where was I?

Oh yes. Things that were missing in the Time articles. One thing not covered in either piece was any reference to how having a pet can improve ones health. Studies show that purring cats can lower your blood pressure. And any dog owner knows that walking Fido helps with weight loss. Imagine the extra benefit we’d get from walking our pets surrounded by Mother Nature! Maybe I’ll put a harness on Stella to see if she likes our golf course. With my luck, she’ll think the sand traps are giant litter boxes.

I’m sure I also read somewhere that exercising in the buff has added benefits. I surfed the Internet and couldn’t turn up a reliable source for this tidbit. There were plenty of references to the fact that the Greeks exercised naked. And quite a few links to videos of what promised to be nubile young women. So I’ll just tell you that “a lot of people are saying” it’s better to work out naked. You can take that to the bank, believe me.

There’s little doubt in my mind that were I to take my 3.4 mile walk in the nude, I’d be healthier. That’s because I’d get my time down to a 5-minute mile in a flash, the sooner to get out of sight of the neighbors. But before I did that, I’d need to get used to walking with a paper bag over my head. Even at a 5-minute mile, someone might recognize me. A community that controls the color of the holiday lights on residents’ bushes wouldn’t take kindly to streaking bushes.

Revisionist Recreation for Retirees

If you’re looking for low-stress recreation, now is a great time to be retiring. Changes that are afoot for golf and chess will make both of these activities more senior-friendly.

Courses around the country are testing revisions aimed at making golf more relaxing for seniors. “Aimed” is the operative word here. Those who are especially unskilled at putting that little white ball into that almost-as-little cup are a key audience for this trend.

The lead to an April N. Y. Times article by Bill Pennington got my attention: “Golf holes the size of pizzas.” Pennington tells us that industry leaders worry about golf “following the baby boomer generation into the grave.” This is not an image I want in my head as I watch golf on Sunday afternoon TV. To re-quote pro Sergio Garcia on the new rules: “A 15-inch hole could help… older golfers score better.” Ya think? And don’t expect me to dig deeper into scoring in a 15-inch hole. You can go there on your own.

Another idea being kicked around is foot golf, using soccer balls, along with those pizza-sized holes. A key objective is to reduce the intimidation many folks feel when confronted with golf’s single set of rules for experts and amateurs alike. What’s the big deal if they have a second set of rules that are more retiree-friendly? It’s not like someone who wants to play just 9 holes with cups that he can actually see without his driving glasses on is going to compete in a PGA sanctioned event.

The TV commentators spend a lot of time discussing a pro’s club selection. I gather they can carry only a limited number of clubs in their bag during a tournament under the current rules. That sounds like an advantage to me. I’d be as confused over which club to use as I would be over which golf shoes to wear with what outfit. Give me just two clubs, but put a different head thingy on each end. If it doesn’t work one way, I’ll turn it upside down and try again.

Speaking of trying again, another idea being floated is to help inept players get out of especially rough spots without levying penalty shots. Mulligans for all! And for every hole. (I used to think a mulligan was a style of golf shoe, by the way.) Just kick it out of that sand hazard. Or better yet, toss it out with your ungloved hand.

Even the PGA is on board with simplifying the game, tradition be damned. But don’t worry, plaid pants and wildly colored shirts will still be de rigueur for tournaments. Well, that’s a relief.

If your participation leans more in the armchair direction, you might be interested in efforts underway to make chess a spectator sport. This tidbit was reported in the Financial Times global section. Andrew Paulson, an entrepreneur with very deep pockets—and loads of patience, apparently—has set off on a crusade to make this happen.

Reporter James Crabtree claims Paulson “plans to infuse chess with… sponsorship deals and… razzmatazz.” As I read this, the strains of the song “Razzle Dazzle” from Chicago began playing in my brain. “Give ‘em the old Razzle Dazzle, razzle-dazzle ‘em. Long as you keep 'em way off balance, how can they spot you've got no talents? Razzle-dazzle 'em, and they'll make you a star!”

One piece of so-called razzmatazz would be biometric bracelets worn by the players. They’d track things like heart rate and perspiration level, “giving spectators an instant sense of the stresses faced at the board.” I don’t know about you, but I’m all tingly with anticipation just thinking about this.

Paulson is quoted as saying: “If you can persuade millions to watch golf, chess is going to be an easy sell.” Not so fast, Paulson. If you’d read Pennington’s article, you’d know that golf isn’t such an easy sell anymore, either. Maybe if they add mulligans to chess, we’d get some real excitement. “Oops! You just captured my queen. My bad. I’d like a do-over, thank you.”

Crabtree put his finger on the biggest stumbling block to making chess must-see TV. Sponsors are giving it a wide berth because the man who has run the sport for decades is an eccentric, to put it mildly. Perhaps this is due to the fact that (according to him) aliens once abducted him. On the plus side, they sent him back to earth with the knowledge that they had created the game of chess. You just can’t make this stuff up. Well, maybe you can. But this time I didn’t. Honest.

Improving Mental Health

Two posts that appeared on Facebook dealt with improving one’s mental health. Since I love cashews and I used to knit, I’d consider using both of these to improve my mental well-being. But first I’d need to research the reports touting them, to evaluate the science.

The first article, from www.naturalcuresnotmedicine.com, claims that cashews are a natural antidepressant. This is good news for proponents of the holistic approach (and my life is full of them). Dave Sommers is cited for this quote: “Two handfuls of cashews is [sic] the therapeutic equivalent of a prescription dose of Prozac.” He maintains that the L-tryptophan in cashews is converted to niacin and serotonin to reduce anxiety.

Best I can tell, this is true, so Eli Lilly must have staff looking to discredit it. I can picture some of the headlines: “Cashews breed rare worm that burrows into your intestines.” Or: “Fatty oils in cashews cause blockage of arteries; lead to increased risk of stroke.” Maybe Lilly doesn’t care, since generic Prozac (fluoxetine) has now been approved by the FDA. Let those suppliers panic over cashew encroachment.

In any case, we now have this terrific alternative to prescription drugs to provide positive mind-altering benefits. And we don’t have to smoke it to get them. Not only do I plan to eat more cashews (I had cut down on them because of my diet), I also plan to market my own brand. I’ll call it Mellow Yellow.

The second article puts forth the notion that “knitting is healthy for your brain”. The site Jezebel.com tells us several studies support this assertion, and that not just knitting, but any crafting provides these benefits. The specifics are so, well… specific, that I’m compelled to quote the full claim. Knitting “serves as a natural anti-depressant, helps ease anxiety and stress, can protect your brain from aging and has the [same] effects as meditation.”

This news was so energizing that it sent me straight to my basement storage room looking for my knitting needles that were packed away when we staged the house for sale. No luck with that, but they’ll show up eventually.

Jezebel.com cites a CNN series “Inside Your Brain” that credits knitting with treating PTSD, saying it “dampens internal chaos.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lamented: “I sure wish I had a way to dampen this internal chaos today.” Claremont University Professor of Psychology Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi attributes this to something he refers to as “flow,” which he calls “the secret to happiness.” CNN says he has decades of research to support this.

The Claremont website describes the avuncular MC (as I prefer to call him) as “the founder and co-director of the Quality of Life Research Center. The QLRC is a non-profit research institute that studies ‘positive psychology’; that is, human strengths such as optimism, creativity, intrinsic motivation…” Plus he’s a member of the National Academy of Leisure Studies. Who knew there even was such an academy? I’m now sufficiently impressed.

In a 2004 TED talk, MC said your existence outside a creative activity, such as knitting, becomes “temporarily suspended” and your sense of your body disappears. I don’t know about you, but there are plenty of days when I wish my sense of my body would disappear. I’ll knit one of those Snuggler body blankets if that will make it happen. Note to self: buy knitting needles if they don’t show up soon.

Jezebel.com also cites a study published in the British Journal of Occupational Therapy that bolsters the CNN story and MC’s findings. The study sounds credible, especially since the survey had over 3,500 respondents. Except that it was conducted online through an Internet knitting site. For all we know, 3,000 of those “knitters” were using their prison library to participate. Or 100 bored widows took the survey 35 times each.

Respondents said they knit for relaxation and stress relief; they also praised knitting in a group. (The prison library doesn’t sound that far fetched now, does it?) The study thus concluded that: “Knitting has significant psychological and social benefits, which can contribute to wellbeing and quality of life.” It seems to me that if you’re in for life, it doesn’t take much to improve its quality. Ditto for bored widows.

So the Brits leave me skeptical, but Professor MC seems credible. They don’t let just anybody give a TED talk, you know. I have a vision of myself, nestled in the corner of our sunroom, humming Donovan tunes and knitting argyle socks by the basketful. I’m shoving fistfuls of cashews into my pie hole and I’m as happy as that proverbial clam. I’ll call you when your socks are ready. In the meantime, be on the lookout for my Mellow Yellow. No prescription needed.

Epsom Salt—Miracle Cure?

A friend emailed me a link to an article on the benefits of Epsom salt. This friend is big on alternative remedies; she also loves the Tea Party, so her endorsements are subject to scrutiny. Some people will not see using “alternative remedies” and “Tea Party” in the same sentence as an oxymoron. I would not be one of them. However, the “9 Reasons To Use Epsom Salt” intrigued me, so I clicked through to TheAlternativeDaily.com.

First, they tell us: “Epsom salt is a mineral compound comprised of magnesium and sulfate... used for centuries as a natural remedy for a number of ailments.” My attention is waning, but I keep reading about this supposed miracle cure.

The site claims: “Both magnesium and sulfate are readily absorbed into the skin which makes the health benefits readily accessible. Over 325 enzymes in the body are regulated by magnesium... Sulfates improve the rate at which nutrients are absorbed and help to flush out toxins.”

I’m surprised that there are 325 enzymes in our bodies, period, much less ones that pay attention to magnesium. The site http://genomebiology.com explains that “622 of the (human) enzymes are assigned roles in 135 predicted metabolic pathways… (which) closely match the known nutritional requirements of humans.” Of course they do.

I Google “Uses for Epsom Salt,” turning up another website, http://www.saltworks.us, which has either directly quoted TheAlternativeDaily.com or has been plagiarized by the latter, in either case with no attribution. Since I don’t know which is the chicken here and which the egg, consider both sites as my sources. I should research this further (Is there a third, primary source?), but I want to get to all those uses.

Most websites group these into Health, Beauty and Home and Garden. Let’s start with Health, where there are a number of conditions that should prompt retirees to add Epsom salt to their shopping lists.

If you’re stressed (and what retiree isn’t), you could be deficient in magnesium. (Or, you could just be experiencing a normal retirement.) TheAlternativeDaily.com claims that “magnesium helps the body produce serotonin… a mood elevating chemical...” Call me a skeptic, but doesn’t a long soak in a tubful of Crabtree and Evelyn product do the same?

Got muscle pain? Again, what retiree doesn’t, at least occasionally? TheAlternativeDaily.com tells us: “The sulphates in Epsom salt draw heavy metals and other toxins from cells which can ease muscle pain.” Saltworks.us credits an Epsom salt soak with treating toenail fungus and easing gout—other senior plagues.

The last Health benefit is the relief of constipation. An empty container I have says take 2 teaspoons in water for a laxative effect, 4 for a cathartic. (That’s what Californians call a cleanse.) For those snickering about why I have Epsom salt, it was a yard sale find. I like the pink and black package graphics. It pre-dates zip codes, so it’s a collectible.

Moving on to Beauty. We’re told to use Epsom salt as an “exfoliating facial cleanser” by mixing it with coconut oil and rubbing it on our faces. It also serves as a “hair volumizer,” addressing that bane of senior women—thinning hair. This requires warming it in a pan with an equal amount of “deep conditioner,” then working it into the hair and leaving it on for 20 minutes.

Finally, let’s look at Home and Garden. The use that immediately catches my eye is for cleaning bathroom tiles. Mix “equal parts of Epsom salt with liquid dish detergent. Scrub tiles with the mixture and rinse well.” After reading this, I have two thoughts: Who would use the same product to cleanse their face as they use to clean tile grout? And then: Is it the Epsom salt doing this good stuff, or the coconut oil, the conditioner and the detergent?

Full disclosure: my research turned up a Canadian website, http://saveyourself.ca, that put the lie to virtually all the purported benefits of Epsom salt. The author, Paul Ingraham, could find scientifically-proven support for only one benefit: easing constipation, an internal use of the salts. He trashes all the external uses.

Ingraham claims that our “skin is almost completely waterproof.” I have two comments on that. First, we all know that “almost” doesn’t count. Second, tell it to the pharmaceutical companies that market patches for the transdermal delivery of drugs. Also to the makers of the caffeine-infused panties I blogged about two weeks ago.

Perhaps the most significant use for Epsom salt is as the inspiration for this Retirement Sparks blog post. On that note, I’m off to soak in the tub. But I’ll be filling mine with La Source body wash. I’ll also have a nice glass of vino by my side. Now that’s what I call a miracle cure.

Retirement Tools - Weep Not, Wine Lots

Common wisdom says that crying is a good way to relieve stress and depression. Weep away all that bad karma and get it out of your system! Turns out, common wisdom may be wrong.

A recent study reported in the Journal of Research in Personality had about 100 women in the Netherlands keep diaries for several months noting their moods and crying habits. The authors found that in 61% of the crying jags, the women felt no better and no worse than before they spilled all those tears. Fewer than one third had improved moods and 9% actually felt worse after letting it all out. An interesting side tidbit was that most of the subjects cried when and where they thought no one else could see them.

If you feel like crying now that you know weeping may not perk you up, I know something that will. Advertising Age just reported some good news about the on-line wine business. Persistence and an accumulation of state legislative changes have sweetened the pot for on-line vino vendors. On July 1, Maryland became the 38^th state to allow out-of-state wineries to ship their product into the state. This trend has enabled on-line vendors to attract capital and expand their businesses.

Wine.com posted its first ever profit this fiscal year; it sold 2 millions bottles in the past year. You’ve probably heard of flash mobs. Well, WineShopper is a flash-sale website set up by Wine.com. Its daily emails offer its users discounts of up to 70%. The catch? They’re good for only 72 hours. It’s kind of like Groupon on steroids. A recent special was 1 cent shipping on orders of $99 or more. Specials count down in the web page header, much like an EBay auction. (Ends in 3 hrs 40 min!)

Lot18 has snared $13 million in funding from VCs; it acts as a middleman between wineries and oenophiles. Its wine “curators” select the wines and send out daily email reviews. Their CEO boasts that their site is so popular and their selections so good that some of their choices never even make it to bricks and mortar purveyors.

I think these websites are God’s gift to retirees who like to nestle into their favorite chair and relax with a really good glass of wine. In other words, gifts to me. Now we can even order our wine while we’re nestled in, provided we have a wireless router. Note to self: get one of those when we move to Vermont.

So the next time you’re feeling stressed or depressed, don’t go off by yourself and get weepy. It probably won’t make you feel better anyway. Just go off by yourself and enjoy an excellent bottle of wine. Don’t worry. There’s no more shame in drinking alone than there is in crying alone in some hidden, dark corner.

If you’re like most of us and have a life that’s quite stressful, you’ll plan ahead and have that wine waiting for you when you feel a crying jag coming on. While you’re drinking the one you have in stock, be sure to go online to order a few replacement bottles. But you’d better hurry. That deal on shipping ends soon!

Retirement Transitions - Going With the Flow

Today has been rather hectic, at least compared to most days post retirement. The car went in for servicing and I had to beg rides to and from. I met with one of the Realtors I interviewed to hear her proposal for listing our house. Then I went over some loose ends with my contractor. Finally, I went to an evening event at Brown that lasted over four hours.

Here it is, ten pm, and it just dawned on me that I have not written my Wednesday post. I sat down to do it this morning, but realized I had no topic in mind. I began sifting through magazine cuttings, hoping for some inspiration. The sifting soon led to filing, as part of the need to tidy up my basement office. Then the rest of the day got in the way.

My first reaction when I realized I had nothing done for the blog and nothing in mind was panic. I’m proud of how disciplined I’ve been about posting to this blog every Wednesday and Saturday. To miss one of those days is unthinkable. Suddenly and unexpectedly, I found myself in a “cone of serenity,” a favorite phrase of my friend Lynne.

Retirement is supposed to be less stressful than working. If this blog has reached the point where it is so rigid that it gives me panic attacks, something has gone terribly wrong. I decided to give myself permission to be flexible, and I’m asking you to give me that permission, too.

As for this “day that got away” from me, here's a thumbnail of the two key events. The suggested asking price from the Realtor (the first one to present to me) was far lower than I anticipated. If her price is validated by another Realtor, I’m not going to list the house this year. That will present a number of other choices to be made, but I’m not going to worry about them until and unless it becomes necessary. Stay tuned.

The event at Brown was extremely enjoyable. We toured two of the new and renovated buildings. I spent the evening with some long-time friends and met some new alumni (younger than I by several decades.) The tornadoes that were forecast went through Springfield, MA, several hours from Providence. All in all, quite a good evening.

Perhaps the best part: my friend Becky did the driving, so I was able to enjoy a nice glass of red wine at the dinner. And it wasn’t a cash bar, either. Now that’s something worth blogging about.