Please do not skip ahead to day twelve. That would be cheating.
On the FIRST day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Membership in AARP.
On the SECOND day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
On the THIRD day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
On the FOURTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers, (good to have a spare)
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
[Getting out of breath…]
On the FIFTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Five robo calls—ring, ring, (Hold that last note, now!)
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
On the SIXTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Yet another chin hair, (they’re like the loaves and the fishes)
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
On the SEVENTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six more bottles of Barolo, (replacing the ones I already drank)
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers, (replacing the ones I can’t find)
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
On the EIGHTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Eight Velcro shoe straps, (I swore I’d never wear those)
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
[Now gasping for air…]
On the NINTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Nine hours a-sleeping,
Eight Velcro shoe straps,
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring, (enough already!)
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
On the TENTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Ten milligrams of Lipitor,
Nine hours a-sleeping,
Eight Velcro shoe straps,
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo, (thank heaven for day six!)
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four more bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
[Does anyone have an inhaler?]
On the ELEVENTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Eleven committee meetings, (I need to learn to say ‘no’)
Ten milligrams of Lipitor,
Nine hours a-sleeping,
Eight Velcro shoe straps,
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
On the TWELFTH day of retirement, my new life gave to me:
Twelve more friends on Facebook, (and some were from high school!)
Eleven committee meetings,
Ten milligrams of Lipitor,
Nine hours a-sleeping,
Eight Velcro shoe straps,
Seven alarm-free mornings,
Six bottles of Barolo,
Five robo calls—ring, ring,
Four bristly chin hairs,
Three-point-0 magnifiers,
Two Medicare cards
And membership in AARP.
(Siren sound in background as EMT’s arrive with oxygen…)
Copyright 2011 Business Theatre Unlimited
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