Banned Words and Phrases 2019

It’s time once again for my annual list of banned words and phrases. As per the past two years, politics, media and pundits have inspired most of them. Jumping right in…

Let’s start with ‘lock (anybody) up.’ I couldn’t believe I hadn’t banned this yet. I read through my four most recent lists and it’s not on any of them. I should be locked up for allowing this go on for so long, but I’m making amends by putting it in the number one spot on my 2019 list.

Let’s also prohibit ‘impeach’ and ‘impeachment’. I realize it’s tempting to fling those around as the Democrats take control of the House of Representatives. I’m in the camp of those who feel the mention of the “I” word is counter-productive. No matter how odious the language and behavior of our 45^th president have been, for now it’s a long way from likely grounds for impeachment. When the investigation dust has settled (including whatever the new House decides to look into), we can revisit this topic. For now, it just energizes voters who wouldn’t care if 45 shot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue.

In a similar vain—I mean vein (Freudian slip), I have ‘narcissist’ and ‘narcissism’ on this year’s list. No matter how appropriate those words may seem, we must all refrain from using them. Those labels are reserved for licensed psychiatrists and psychotherapists, and only the ones who are professionally treating the person to whom the labels are being affixed. Considering the medical professionals recently in 45’s orbit, I don’t expect that diagnosis to come any time soon.

The previous two banned items protect our leader-in-chief. The next five have been provided by him. You’ll notice that although I’m banning ‘impeach’ and ‘impeachment,’ I haven’t prohibited the use of ‘investigation.’ We’d barely be able to have a conversation in 2019 without access to that word. I am, however, banning two ways that 45 describes the various forays into his potential wrongdoings.

The first of these, words that I’m delighted to put on the lexicographic ash heap, is ‘witch hunt.’ I have no idea how 45 is going to survive the rest of his first term without this phrase, but I’m eager to find out.

A related expression being tossed overboard is ‘fishing expedition’.  Some of those investigating 45 may indeed be on such an expedition. But experienced fishermen are careful to spend their time in waters that are well stocked with big ones.

I’m also putting the kibosh firmly on ‘rogue’ in 2019. No longer will you-know-who be able to refer to Robert Mueller as a ‘rogue prosecutor’. He likewise will have to find another way to describe the Saudis who murdered Jamal Khashoggi. They cannot be described as ‘rogue operators’. Perhaps MBS can provide alternative descriptions; 45 should have Jared find out.

Next I’m taking away ‘we'll see what happens’ and the closely related ‘wait and see.’ To see, or not to see… That is the question. We know from two years of experience that once these words have been uttered, we will almost definitely NOT see what happens; we will instead wait forever to see.

Another phrase favored by 45 that I’m refusing to allow is ‘maybe he did; maybe he didn't.’ On its face, this provides no useful information. It’s definitional when it refers to anyone’s behavior. It puts me in mind of a joke that went around in college. What did the masochist and the sadist say to each other? Masochist: Beat me! Beat me! Sadist: Maybe I will, and maybe I won’t. We can be quite certain that we’ll never find out from 45 whether anyone did or didn’t. It will take investigative powers to tell us that.

I’m also saying goodbye to the latest segue of choice favored by the media or those being interviewed, specifically ‘having said that.’ If we’ve been paying attention, we’ll know he just said that. If we’ve been doing a Sudoku and listening with one ear, we’ll wonder: having said what? and we’ll expect whatever comes next to put the lie to what came before.

The only non-political and non-media-related phrase on this year’s list is ‘no problem’. This seems to be the new catchphrase for young soon-to-be couples on Hallmark romcoms. That means people on the street will be saying it soon, too. Maybe this is just an age thing, but ‘no problem’ sounds phony to me. A real man would say: “Happy to help.” And a woman would say: “Is there anything else I can do?” And they’d each be thinking: “I’d love to do that for someone as (fill in the blank) as you.”

That’s this year’s list. If you find it entertaining, be assured that I’m happy to do that for someone as (fill in the blank) as you.

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