Public Bathroom Safety Tips

President Trump rescinded Obama’s order allowing transgender students to use the bathroom that matches their gender identity. SCOTUS refused to hear a case challenging the repeal. This pretty much guarantees that the only males using a ladies room will be peeping Toms or worse. Years ago I had such an encounter with a peeper in a Manhattan office building, so I put together these safety tips for women who are seated in a stall when they realize they’re being watched.

1.     Slam your knees together. The slapping sound your thighs will make should frighten the peeper off. Even if not, this will limit his view severely.

2.     Be thankful you wore clean underwear with no holes. Your mother would be proud of you.

3.     Stay calm. Getting excited will only make you have to use the john that much longer. See items 4 and 5 for ways to calm yourself.

4.     Consider legitimate reasons the peeper may have for being there, such as:

·      He’s a freelance photographer working on a spread

·      He’s doing market research for a toilet paper company

·      He’s an industrial engineer trying to cost justify automatic toilet paper dispensers

·      He’s an investigator hired by the insurance company to test the building’s security

5.     Whistle, sing or hum a favorite tune, but avoid such provocative songs as:

·      For Your Eyes Only

·      Hey, Look Me Over

·      Jeepers, Creepers, Where’d You Get Those Peepers?

·      Sitting in La La, Waiting for My Ya Ya

6.     Mutter phrases of discouragement such as, “I hope my doctor was wrong about the herpes…” Or, “Gawd, I ruin more pantyhose on my rough knuckles now that I’m taking karate lessons!”

7.     Carry on a casual, one-way conversation with his feet in the next booth. If he responds, keep him talking. It will give you more time to get your pants up. When you’re ready to leave, say, “Well, it’s been nice chatting” even if he hasn’t answered. If he thinks you’re daft enough, he’ll lose interest.

8.     Do not take time to flush. It puts you in the vulnerable position of having your back to the door. Besides, half the time people don’t bother to flush anyway.

9.     Do take time to wash your hands. If you don’t, the peeper could paint you as a loose woman with vile habits. And your mother would die if she found out.

10. Use a different ladies room the next time you have to go.

Copyright 2017 Elaine M. Decker