Final Arrangements—New Options

The older we get, the more we hear about deaths in our circle of friends. For many of us, that leads to thinking about our own final arrangements. Given the cost of funerals and the overcrowding of cemeteries, more of us are opting for cremation. That still leaves open the question of exactly how those we leave behind will dispose of our ashes.

That issue is often complicated by local laws, increasing pressure from environmentalists for ‘green’ burials, and logistics. For starters, you have to find someone who loves you enough (or owes you enough favors) to deal with it. Not everyone has an Aunt Edna who is willing to have a decorative urn with you in it on her mantel. And you can’t just dump cremains into a sand trap. If you’re considering cremation, you should decide in advance on the disposition of your ashes.

I’ve been tuned in to new ideas on this subject for years. I even have a file on it. A recent N. Y. Times article presented the newest offering in final arrangements: composting. That’s right. Composting. Washington is the first state to legalize the environmentally friendly “aboveground decomposition” process. Check out recompose.life. Once you’ve been turned into compost, you can be spread in a garden or wooded area to promote new life. If composting doesn’t turn you on, stick with cremation and look into companies that will scatter your ashes in peaceful, wooded areas.

The recent movie Poms is a chick-flick about senior women in a retirement community who start a cheerleading club. The instigator is a newcomer who has terminal cancer. One night she sees a commercial about having your ashes shot into the atmosphere as part of a fireworks display. “What a glorious idea!” thought I, so I Googled fireworks cremains.

HeavenlyStarsFireworks.com claims to be the market leader in the incorporation of ashes into fireworks. Unfortunately, their market is the United Kingdom. In the U.S., I found the GreenlawnFuneralHome.com, headquartered in Missouri. One of their packages is the aptly-named “Go Out with a Bang.”

Moving in the opposite direction, geologically speaking, your cremains could create a coral reef. The Neptune Society has established a 16-acre reef off Miami that’s certified by the Green Burial Council. You can see photos at nmreef.com. EternalReefs.com is a 501c3 option. Their first “Reef Ball” project was near Ft. Lauderdale. They claim to have projects in 70 countries and to have placed more than 70,000 reef balls. I haven’t been able to find out what those other countries are, but maybe this could be your chance to finally spend time in Fiji.

Most of the above options don’t enable loved ones to pay their respects to your remains, in whatever form. Good news! There are choices that let them keep you literally close to their hearts for eternity. Cremation jewelry is big business and teardrop pendants are especially popular. Perfectmemorials.com has more than 5,000 items to choose from, priced from $5 to $2,950. My own suggestion is to have your ashes embedded in Lucite key rings to be handed out at your memorial, sort of like those mementos you get at weddings.

Here are some other ideas to consider. Have your ashes mixed with tattoo ink, but be aware that it would take full body art to use up all of them, even if your portly Uncle Biff is your designated canvas. A British company will press the ashes into a vinyl record of the song of your choosing, giving new meaning to “oldies but goodies.” InTheLightUrns.com will put cremains into an hourglass after your time has run out. I assume they sift out the residual bone chunks before they fill the glass.

Personally, I like the idea of embedding ashes within a whimsical stone-like statue for the yard. I may do that with my cats’ ashes. I already have several decorative critters around our perimeter. No one would be able to tell if one of those were really a cremains container. Plus folks can easily take the statues with them if they move.

As you can see, there are several new options for when we shed this mortal coil. So many choices! One of them is bound to be perfect for you. Best to plan your own final arrangements now. And hope the person you choose to handle them outlives you.

Copyright 2019 Business Theatre Unlimited

Forever Homes Together

Most of us who have adopted a pet from a shelter are familiar with the expression “forever home.” It’s the ultimate goal for every rescued animal—to become part of a family where they will be loved and cared for forever.

When the time comes for them to leave us, we may have our four-legged children buried in a pet cemetery. It’s also not unusual to have them cremated and the ashes returned to us to be kept in special commemorative urns and boxes.

Less often, we make plans to keep them with us after we’ve likewise headed into the sunset. I read about a woman who wanted her pet buried with her despite a local ordinance that prohibited it. She had the cat cremated and she sewed the ashes into the hem of her wedding gown. She had instructions to bury her in that gown, thus ensuring that she and Fluffy would be together forever.

One of my friends had several months to prepare for her departure from us. She was buried in the Jewish tradition, wrapped in cotton in a plain wooden box. Before she died, she found a sympathetic rabbi who allowed the ashes of her dog, who predeceased her, to be slipped into the coffin next to her. They’re now in their forever home together; knowing this was pre-arranged gave my friend comfort in her last weeks.

Recently the New York Daily News ran an article about a successful court challenge to a related regulation. Pet owners in New York State were prevented from having their ashes interred in pet cemeteries next to their family companions. The niece of a NYPD officer brought the suit on behalf of her deceased uncle. The man’s wife had already been buried next to their dogs in a Hartsdale pet cemetery.

It’s not clear whether the cemetery had been ignoring an existing statute, or whether the prohibition was newly enacted into law. Either way, hundreds of deceased pet owners were already resting there with their Mittens and their Scouts. The niece won the suit and her uncle’s ashes are now interred next to his wife’s and those of their three pooches.

This has me wondering about my own future disposition. I plan to be cremated, as does my husband (after the medical school at Brown University has finished studying him). Neither of us has decided what should happen to our ashes, except to be scattered somewhere. I suppose we should be blown away as a family, even though that would involve storing the cremains of one of us until the other catches up. Now I’m thinking that our girls and Luke (still purring) should be tossed out with us.

I commissioned custom pottery jars to hold the urns with the ashes of my first “girls,” Daisy Hyacinth and Tulip Wisteria. The front of one jar has a molded daisy, the other a molded tulip. The lids have those flowers etched into the undersides. (If they’re looking up, they’ll know they’re in the correct jar.) I have these on a shelf in the sunroom. Most visitors have no idea what’s in them.

The ashes of my second two, Pansy Gardenia and Lily Magnolia, are in cedar boxes. (The vet used a different cremation service and my potter was no longer potting.) The boxes are tied with ribbons that have antique floral pins—a pansy and a calla lily—attached. I keep them on the dresser in our bedroom.

So, what to do with all these cremains (ours included) when the time comes? Sprinkling them into the ocean or a lake isn’t a good idea. Cats don’t like water. We could run an ad on Craig’s List. “Wanted. Service to scatter ashes of family of 7 from top of mountain somewhere in Northeast.” Or maybe book a hot air balloon ride for a friend who loves pets and could sneak a large satchel of dust into the passenger basket.

One of my more creative ideas is to mix us with Elmer’s glue to make trinkets that would get stuffed inside a large piñata. There must be some fresh air camp with kids who’d benefit from releasing their pent up aggression. Or we could pre-arrange a picnic in a park and sell tickets to take a swing at us. Lots of folks would pay good money to whack me with a stick. (Proceeds to a local shelter, of course.)

Somewhere in here is an idea with legs. And even if not, we should have quite a few years before we need to figure this out. It won’t matter where our forever home is as long as we’re together (sing along now) side by side.