Shapewear for Retirees

Good news for retirees who are struggling to get their BMI (Body Mass Index) under control. There’s new shapewear that’s supposed to help us burn off fat.

We now have at our disposal exercise pants and other items that are infused with caffeine to help us lose weight. When I learned about these, my first thought was: I’ve heard of transdermal delivery of medications, but this is ridiculous. My second thought was: If it works, why don’t we just soak in a tubful of coffee?

I researched this before I decided to report on it. I uncovered several companies that are marketing caffeine-infused shapewear. There’s Lytess, French makers of leggings, and SkinKiss Limited in the UK, offering caffeine tights and shapewear.

The UK’s Daily Mail reported on another French company that makes the line Top Model from designer Simone Pérèle. I assumed Simone was a “top model” in France, but it turns out she was a corsetière. She obtained her diploma in corset making in 1935; after the war, she specialized in made-to-order lingerie, especially bras. Her children now run the company.

I digress. The supposed science behind these caffeine-infused garments was reported in 2006 research at Vanderbilt University. Authors Minnette Boesel and Professor Schlundt claim that caffeine “helps blood flow to the skin and works like a diuretic, flushing moisture out of the skin and firming it.” Actually, the quote comes from the editor of Allure Magazine, which makes one suspicious of the scientific cred of this study.

Topicals that make these claims usually contain not just caffeine, but also vitamin E, retinol, aloe vera and even fennel and gotu kola (whatever that is). I’ll tell you what that is. It’s a swamp plant found in India, Sri Lanka and Indonesia. Its leaves and stems are used in traditional Chinese and Ayurvedic medicine. Several websites emphasize that gotu kola is not the same as the kola nut; gotu kola does not have caffeine and is not a stimulant. On that edifying note, let’s return to the Vanderbilt study.

Boesel concluded that while “some of these lotions and potions with caffeine may have some effect on the appearance of cellulite as a result of dehydration… the results are temporary and do nothing to banish the presence of cellulite.” So what. The results may not last forever, but let’s face it: nothing does anymore. Back now to the caffeine-infused shapewear.

According to Good Morning America, the makers claim that Lytess leggings can take as much as “two inches off your hips and more than an inch from your thighs just by wearing them for 5 hours a day for 21 days.” Plus, they don’t smell like coffee, and they don’t keep you up at night. I don’t know about you, but I’d sit up bug-eyed for three weeks if it would take two inches off my hips. The company claims it “has sold 3.5 million pairs of the pants in France to satisfied customers.” I’ll bet they’re satisfied!

SkinKiss.com says that its products “contain Microcapsules of Caffeine that have slimming benefits” and that their “caffeine tights have won critical acclaim.” There was no elaboration on the specifics of the benefits or the source of the acclaim. The Daily Mail tells us that Top Model caffeine-infused microfiber shapewear “blasts cellulite.” An independent 28-day study reports “63% of women tested it and said it was effective.” Oh, and the effects last for 100 washes, at $50 to $80 a pop.

If your lingerie budget is as skimpy as mine post-retirement, you’ll probably want to look into other ways to control your BMI before you jump into the caffeine panties. To that end, my post next week will cover yoga exercises for seniors.

In the meantime, I’m going to see if anyone is developing nicotine-infused shapewear as a way to help folks quit smoking. I’m not a smoker, but I bet there’s a fortune to be made in replacing cigarettes with nico panties. If I can get in on the ground floor of this with even a modest investment, I’ll probably be able to afford caffeine panties. And more expensive wine. What can I say? I’m just an entrepreneur at heart.

Retirement News - Fat Is Good, Sometimes

At last, some news that actually puts a spring in my retirement step. A recent study written up in York University’s Faculty of Health News blog shows that, under certain conditions, people who are obese are actually less likely to die of cardiovascular causes than skinny folks.

The study was conducted by a team of mostly Canadian scientists over a 16-year period and was published in the journal Applied Physiology, Nutrition and Metabolism. The team compared the mortality risk of 6,000 obese Americans with that of lean subjects. Although not stated in the summary, one assumes the lean ones were also Americans, though I’m not sure that would have made a huge difference.

Here’s the catch. The chubby folks had to already be a tad overweight as young adults and had to have been less obsessed with losing weight than the lean folks. That is, they would have tried less often throughout their lives to lose weight.

The pleasingly plump also had to have no serious “physical, psychological or physiological impairments.” I did not dig deeply enough to get the details on what impairments made this list. In my experience, the Canadians have a much higher tolerance than Americans for non-conforming behavior, so I’d probably clear the hurdle on this one.

Apparently, being content with ones body, even if it was carrying a few more pounds than ideal, meant that these subjects were likely to have a healthy lifestyle. They were physically active and ate healthy food (though probably too much of it.) That combination of activity and a balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables seems to lead to healthier hearts than yo-yo dieting.

I’ve been on more than an occasional diet throughout my life, but I can’t say that I fall into the yo-yo category. I was more of a “special occasion” dieter. You know, upcoming vacation to a Club Med, good friend’s wedding, high school or college reunion. By the time I reached my forties it was more like “important job interview.” You can imagine how rare those were as I got older.

Moving on to one of my favorite medical subtopics, acronyms—the researchers for this study used (and I quote) “a new grading tool, the Edmonton Obesity Staging System (EOSS.)” This new tool was developed at the University of Alberta and has been shown to be more accurate than the more widely known and enormously popular BMI (Body Mass Index) in targeting folks who need to lose weight.

For those not familiar with the BMI, here’s a layman’s description of how it works. You fill a bathtub to the brim with water and plop your body into it. If the water that overflows takes more rolls of paper towels to mop it up than you got on sale at Costco last month, you’re probably too fat. Likewise, if you float when you get into the tub, you should think about toning up.

BMI is also sometimes shortened to the catchy “pinch an inch” criteria, meaning that if you can pinch more than an inch of fat anywhere on your body, your B has too much M. (Or as my internist would so tactfully put it, “There’s too much of you.”) Personally, I think that the fat under one’s neck should be excluded from the pinch test for those over 60. Also upper arms for women over 55.

The EOSS incorporates the BMI, waist-to-hip ratio and some clinical measures of obesity-related medical conditions (such as hypertension and diabetes.) High blood pressure runs in my family, and it caught up with me years ago, so I’m not sure how I would fare with the new grading tool. I figure I can’t do any worse than I would with the old one, even disallowing my neck wattle and arm flaps.

The EOSS classifies five stages of obesity. The blog report does not itemize these, but after considerable digging, I’ve uncovered all five. If you recognize yourself as number three or higher, you need to lose weight even on the new EOSS scale. The five stages are (from least obese to most:)

1.     I bet everyone pinched your cheeks when you were a baby.

2.     Did you forget your Spanx, or is that a seriously out of control muffin top?

3.     This little piggy went to market, but apparently this little piggy forgot to go home.

4.     Jiggle, jiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Is there any part of you that doesn’t shake when you walk? And the highest level:

5.     EOSS, BMI—YAHO (Forget how we measured it—You Are Hopelessly Obese.)