Summer is here and many folks are making plans for their visits to the beach. That usually means the seashore. I grew up in a lake community and we lived there all year round. I never developed an attraction for the ocean. All that sticky salt and sand in places I won’t mention here. It’s been years since I even thought about going to a beach. The older that I got, the less my body seemed to want to be seen in a bathing suit.
Something changed this year. For reasons that I won’t take space explaining, I lost at least twenty pounds this Spring. Rest easy; it wasn’t because of a major health issue, though I’ve had several of those. I like the way I look and feel, so I’m continuing with my new lifestyle. I have an entire wardrobe of smaller sizes that had been waiting for me to come to my senses. There was even an old bathing suit in the bottom of one box.
I assume that styles haven’t changed much in the past however many decades. The condo community where we live has a pool. Maybe it’s time for me to take the plunge–literally. As if the swimming gods were listening, one of my daily electronic newsletters had this hard-to-believe article in it. Panera is launching a line of swimsuits. Yes, Panera. And yes, swimsuits. They’re brightly colored, with prints inspired by popular items on their “pick two” menu. As with the menu, you’re encouraged to mix and match.
The “beloved Panera menu items” mentioned in the media announcement for the swimwear are the classic Grilled Cheese, Broccoli Cheddar and Tomato Soups and their Chipotle Chicken Avocado Sandwich. Just one salad was listed: the Strawberry Poppyseed. That probably means my swimwear will be adorned with broccoli, avocados and strawberries. That takes care of the motifs, but it leaves the actual bathing suit shapes.
Lord help me. I have trouble picking two off the Panera menu. Now I’ll have to pick two items of swimwear. (Their one-piece will never work for me.) For lunch, I usually wind up with my default chicken Caesar salad. I have no idea what the bathing suit equivalent of that would be, and that will just be the start of what I’ll need for a trip to a beach or pool. I’ll need pool-appropriate footwear and a beach cover up. And a very large towel and a tote to stuff everything into.
I can’t forget sun block; I’ll have to research what SPF number is required for my age group. And I’ll want a nice bodice ripper paperback to read, the kind you find in airport gift shops, ones with a bare chested hunk on the cover, but not Fabio. And not Fifty Shades of Gray. I’ve read all of those; they were retirement gifts from a female friend. The book choice could be a project in and of itself.
Then there’s the matter of the shave. The big shave. Stopping at the knees will not do for a body in a bathing suit. Not to mention clearing the weeds out from under my armpits. Upper legs and pits are not areas I typically worry about at my age. Come to think of it, there really aren’t any body areas that I pay much attention to these days.
I’m beginning to realize why I haven’t made any trips to a beach or pool in decades. It will be a miracle if I make it there this summer. I might as well do the appropriate planning, just in case, starting with a new bathing suit. I’m thinking of mixing and matching the Panera shorts with their tank top. A T-shirt would cover my bat wings better, but I didn’t see one of those in the Panera collection. It looks like the shorts and tank are offered with broccoli and strawberries motifs. Those should do.
I’ll also need to pick up sun block. Whatever I have around the house is undoubtedly past its sell-by date and it might not even be strong enough. Most of the other items on my list can be found at the bottom of a closet somewhere. That still leaves picking out a trashy paperback to take with me. I wonder if Amazon has a category for those. I’m open to suggestions, by the way.
I had no idea that planning for the beach after years of not going would be so stressful. It looks like I’m going to need a nice glass of wine. Or two.
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