Hearing all the mentions of SCOTUS and Roe v. Wade in the news had me thinking of water-related activities: row vs. wade. This in turn made me picture a side of a new Monopoly board game: SCOTUS Row, with properties Wade, Breast Stroke and Butterfly. From there, it was full speed ahead to a 2022 revamp of that classic game. I’m limiting the number of players to six. The new tokens to choose from are: Tesla Model S, iPhone, COVID Spiked Ball, Spiced Pumpkin, Kale Leaf, and Avocado Toast.
Similar to SCOTUS Row, which launched this new initiative, there will be Congressional Row, with Senate and House properties, and Executive Row, with stops on POTUS, VPOTUS, and FLOTUS. One of the other sides will be home to Inflation Alley. In the inaugural edition, this will be represented by Energy, Groceries and Used Cars. Another side will house the Food Court Mall, with stops for shops on Organic Boulevard, Vegan Way and Gluten Free Avenue.
Peppered throughout these rows and alleys, as per the classic board, will be various taxes and utility companies. There won’t be a Luxury Tax, or even an Income Tax, but you should hope to avoid expensive stops on Health Care Tax and Real Estate Tax. If you land on any of the energy companies—Gasoline, Electric or Oil—it will cost you dearly.
Unlike the original game, there will not be a “Go Directly To Jail” square. Don’t get too complacent though. Instead, there will be a “Go to Debtor’s Prison.” You’ll have to roll doubles to get out of there. There will still be a “Free Parking” square, which will be free only on Sundays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and holidays. All other times it will cost $10. The list of holidays will be updated annually. The “Just Visiting” stop will be replaced by “Just Texting”. You’ll have to stay there texting until all the other players pass you by.
The four railroads will be replaced by four social media companies. In the inaugural edition, those will be Facebook, YouTube, WhatsApp and Instagram. If you land on one, you’ll be able to open an account for $100. Then you’ll be able to collect $10 usage fees from others who land there later in the game. Chances are the list will change in future editions. Those games will obviously need to be renamed for the year they represent.
Fans of the classic Monopoly game are probably wondering how I plan to handle the Chance and Community Chest stops on the board. I’ll be leaving those intact. Of course I had to rethink what you’ll read on those cards when you land on one of those spots. I’m still working on what the Chance cards will say and I’m open to suggestions.
The Community Chest is where philanthropy comes in. It will become a source of support for both local and international NGOs, especially food banks and organizations that provide animal welfare support. If you pull one of those cards, it may tell you to donate money or volunteer hours to support the group listed. Players should decide in advance which local groups will be the recipients of the night’s largesse.
If you’ve already adopted a shelter pet (in real life), you’ll be allowed to take a pass when you pull a card that requires a donation. During the game, you can take that pass once for each pet you’ve adopted. Some of the cards will contain items on wish lists for a variety of NGOs. If you pull one of those, you’re on the honor system to comply when the game is over.
Certain Community Chest cards for food banks will require an actual donation of food or money to a local organization. To make the play go smoothly, you’ll want to bring some non-perishables with you to game night. Other cards will ask for recipes, so bring a few of those, too. If you run out of all of these before the game is over, you’re allowed to sign an IOU. As with the animal welfare items, the other players will have to trust you to make good on your promise.
The player with the most money at the end of the game wins. Since I put this together rather quickly, I’ll probably make some revisions. Feel free to send me your suggestions along with your Chance card ideas. You can also suggest replacement tokens for future editions, but I’ll decide whether or not to use them. It’s my party after all.
Copyright 2022 Business Theatre Unlimited
