On the ninth day of Christmas, my ornaments gave to me
(Take a deep breath here…)
9 Kitties Dancing,
8 Lions Lounging, 7 Zebras Swirling, 6 Reindeer A-Playing,
5 Roll…y Pigs…
4 Curly Sheep, 3 Fluffy Rabbits, 2 Funky Ostriches,
And a Flamingo with a Saxophone.
Copyright 2021 Business Theatre Unlimited
On the sixth day of Christmas, my ornaments gave to me
6 Reindeer A-Playing,
(Sing along now…)
5 Roll…y Pigs…
(Hold that note!)
On the first day of Christmas, my ornaments gave to me
A Flamingo with a Saxophone.
Stay tuned for remaining days!
As we round the bend to another year, it’s time to take a peek at the astrological forecasts for seniors for 2022. December is sometimes referred to as National Horoscope Month. It’s really just one more opportunity for media outlets to promote their forecasts. I’m no Linda Goodman, but I’m jumping into the fray by focusing on seniors. Here’s what you can expect for your sun sign next year.
APRIL is the month of the fiery sun sign Aries.
This marks the spring equinox and the beginning of a new astrological year. Just in time to file your income tax return, you’ll get a surprise financial windfall, but from where?
· Publishers Clearing House (the envelope you threw into the recycling pile)
· The Irish Sweepstakes (that you didn’t enter)
· A Nigerian prince. Yes, THAT Nigerian prince. (He’s not giving up.)
MAY is the month of that bull-headed Taurus.
Sad to say, your unexpected financial windfall in April will be followed in May by a major expense you didn’t plan on. Your car will be in the shop for:
· Passenger airbag defects
· A fuel pump leak
· Rear brakes slippage
JUNE is the month for Gemini, that moody, two-faced character.
World music day is celebrated in June in over 1,000 cities worldwide and hundreds in the U.S. alone. Here are just three cities to visit; one is bound to fit your mood. Or not.
· Latin in Miami
· Country Western in Nashville
· Jazz in New Orleans
JULY is for Cancer (the crab, not the disease).
The USPS is going to deliver:
· An overdue bill that was lost in the mail
· A package that belongs to your neighbor (again)
· Three solicitations from national charities. Be grateful it’s not more.
AUGUST is Leo’s month, that lovable but unpredictable feline!
Be very suspicious when you receive an unexpected message from:
· The IRS. (But is it really from the IRS?)
· A grade school friend that you haven’t heard from in 30 years.
· A distant relative you didn’t know you had. (But is he really your relative?)
SEPTEMBER marks Virgo’s domain, the detail-oriented virgin (whose ship has sailed).
If the pandemic put that trip to Portugal on hold, here’s what’s in store now:
· Your sister’s replaced knees and the power port in your chest will get both of you singled out for extra screening at the airport.
· Your luggage will get lost on the way over there. Pack your carry-on carefully.
· The airline you booked will go on strike after you land, stranding you in Europe.
OCTOBER is when Libra normally presents a pleasant balance in your life.
Unfortunately, not this year. The holiday season is on its way and that damnable Mercury is in retrograde again. Naturally all your appliances decide to break down.
· Your water heater (mid shower)
· Your washing machine (mid load)
· Your freezer (right after you filled it with holiday food)
NOVEMBER is when you’ll feel the sting of that rascal, Scorpio.
If October wasn’t bad enough, a trusted member of your service entourage is going to retire this month. Will it be:
· Your hairdresser of 25 years?
· Your cleaning lady of 15 years?
· Your cardiologist of 20 years?
DECEMBER is when Sagittarius takes aim. This year it’s on your modern electronics.
· You step on your talking scale and it just laughs at you.
· You ask Alexa to set a timer for your baking and she yells at you: “For the last time, I’m Siri, not Alexa!”
· Your Smartwatch is serving up only brain teasers and step count reminders.
JANUARY belongs to ambitious Capricorn.
Your tendency to break rules will catch up with you this year.
· Your HOA fines you $500 for keeping your holiday décor up too long.
· The CIA and the NSA have included you in their investigation of your international Facebook friends.
· You’re drummed out of your Mahjong group for palming tiles.
FEBRUARY celebrates Aquarius in this new Age of Aquarius.
Sadly the sun will not shine in for you this year. Your annual physical will reveal:
· You’ve gained another five pounds.
· You should take advantage of that Silver Sneakers offer that your health insurance plan keeps pushing.
· You need to increase the magnification on your cheater reading glasses. Again.
MARCH and Pisces mark world language month and the end of the Astrological year.
It’s an auspicious time to learn a language. Here are 3 challenging ones to for you.
· Mandarin Chinese—One of the hardest but also most widely spoken worldwide
· Arabic—Could be useful if you’re ever kidnapped traveling in the Middle East
· Navajo—So you can supplement Social Security with work as a code-breaker
There you have it. Twelve months of 2022’s astrological predictions just for seniors. And you thought 2021 was a bad year.
Copyright 2021 Business Theatre Unlimited
