We’re all familiar with the expression “It’s better to give than to receive,” and many folks prefer to give gifts than to get them. I love giving people things. As long back as I can remember I’ve felt this way. I recently came to realize what I believe to be the origins of my giving penchant.
Last year, as I’ve done before, I was tooling around EBay looking for Christmas ornaments in various categories. I search certain keywords like cats every year. Last year I was fixated on small vintage bells. I turned up a box of them that looked like something I gave my mother when I was about eight. They were white china with colored decals of Christmas motifs—Santas, reindeer and such.
The EBay item reminded me that the box I bought was the first gift I ever gave someone. I had been so excited! I came across them when I was shopping with my mom and dad. My mother was off somewhere and my father was with me. I was sure she would love the bells and be surprised, since I’d never done that before. I had found them on my own and I used my own money to buy them. It was a wonderful feeling, and it warms my heart even today when I think about it.
I remember another early example of my giving. I was perhaps the same age as when I found the bells, probably in 4th grade. My class was doing a Secret Santa, pulling names from a box. I quietly approached the teacher before the drawing and asked if she could make sure that I got Ruthie’s name. Ruthie was clearly from a family of limited means. Her clothes were worn, almost ragged, not very clean. She lived in a cabin in the wooded hills nearby. I wanted her to have something nice to wear to school. Our teacher was happy to comply.
My mother and I bought a pink pullover sweater with a round neck and short sleeves that was half of a twin set. The added cost for the cardigan would have been above the Secret Santa amount and would have looked too much like charity. Doing it through the Santa program meant that Ruthie would not have felt singled out. I remember she looked somewhat surprised, perhaps confused, but pleased with her gift.
Many years later, I worked for a company that provided dolls for the employees to dress as part of a Holiday Pageant. The dressed dolls were given to orphanages and hospitals for disadvantaged children. I spent many hours designing and making doll outfits, two each year. I won prizes every time. Some colleagues wondered why I put so much effort into the clothes, and one even asked why I always dressed a Black doll. I simply wanted each little girl to get a beautiful doll that looked like her.
Looking back, I don’t remember how my mother reacted upon receiving those bells. I don’t remember ever seeing Ruthie wearing the sweater. I certainly never saw any of the little girls who received the dolls in fancy clothes that I made so painstakingly. Of course, I knew that when I was creating them.
I realize now that it must have been the act of giving that made me feel so wonderful. I wasn’t thinking about how the gifts would be received. This is, of course, what giving is really about. To be truly in the spirit of this season, one should not make a generous gesture in hopes of getting an expansive thank you.
COVID has forced seniors to spend most of our time at home. This has changed the dynamic of my holiday giving. I haven’t gone to any of my usual shopping haunts since Spring. Because I’m not a huge fan of on-line shopping, I’ll be giving the teenagers on my list checks; at their age they’ll probably be happier with that anyway. The adults haven’t been exchanging much in recent years. We’ll likely make contributions to a charity of choice in honor of our recipients. I’m not sure how I’ll be feeling about this year’s giving once the holiday is behind us, but the dynamics of 2020 are not of my making.
I used to be obsessively independent. As much as I enjoyed giving, I was uncomfortable being on the receiving end. As I got older, I learned to more gracefully accept gifts and help from others. I’ve recently been diagnosed with lung cancer, with medical procedures in December, possible chemotherapy and more surgery in January. My neighbors in our small community have been unfailingly generous in providing meals and rides as needed.
Perhaps all the giving I’ve done over the years was paying it forward for me to be on the receiving end this season. Whatever the reason, as I contemplate the origins of my own giving, I’m grateful that others get as much pleasure from theirs.
Copyright 2020 Business Theatre Unlimited
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