Memories of Sisters Past and Future

Because my sister, Barbara, and I have a seven-plus year age difference (we were eight grades apart), we didn’t have many sisterly adventures in our youth. Ones that included our entire family, to be certain, but not a lot with just the two of us. Our sisterly memories are more recent and also ahead of us, I hope.

Barb had two knee replacement surgeries in 2016. I spent two weeks in Vermont with her each time, helping her through the initial rehab. One of my roles was to help in putting on and taking off the compression stocking, a workout for both of us. It took at least ten minutes to put it on. We had to position the toes just right and make sure the heel piece would wind up in the back and not on the side or in front. We joked that it was a bonding experience. I said I was glad she didn't have a third knee.

Barb and I made our first vacation trip together, just the two of us, this past September. We went to Puglia, Italy, one of the few areas that she had never visited. I’d been to the larger cities, but that was it, so I was willing to go anywhere. Barb did all the research and planning. She’d been studying Italian for a few years and it proved to be more useful than she anticipated.

We visited a wide variety of churches and ate many excellent meals. The towns on our planned itinerary were closer than we expected, so we tacked on some smaller ones. They proved to be delightful additions. We took turns driving, alternating days. The weather wasn’t fabulous, but the heaviest rains seemed to come overnight or while we were in museums or having a lengthy meal. We rarely opened our umbrellas.

The photos I took show me that we made some great memories to look back on in future years. They also tell me I need to practice taking selfies. Or get my arms stretched, or else buy a selfie stick.

The notion of future memories took on new meaning for me recently as I looked at Facebook posts of some of my female friends. A college classmate posted a photo of a wedding party she was in a week after we graduated (fifty years ago). She’s a native of Hawaii and that’s where the ceremony took place. One of her other FB friends commented on how beautiful my friend’s sister looked in the photo. It brought tears to my eyes because I knew that her sister, with whom she was very close, died fourteen years ago.

Another friend posted some photos this fall of a trip to her family’s lake cottage in Michigan, where she’d spent summers with her twin sister. The property was being sold, which meant all the childhood treasures—birds’ nests and such—had to be disposed of. It was a bittersweet task, especially because her twin died unexpectedly ten years ago. She was discarding not just her own memories, but her sister’s as well. The two were as close as sisters could possibly be, even though they lived on opposite sides of the country. The nests may be gone, but many wonderful  experiences remain to be cherished and shared on Facebook.

These Facebook posts from my friends merged in my mind and I had a realization. It’s true that when we lose someone we love, especially a sister, we still have our memories to sustain us. But what we lose is not just the person who helped us make those memories and could have shared them with us. We’re also being deprived of the chance to make future ones. That’s a loss that cannot be measured. As much as we cherish the past, we’ll never know what we might have done together in the future.

I’m fortunate to still have my sister in my life and to be able to look forward to making more trips with her to reminisce about in the years to come. I plan to take advantage of this as much as she’ll allow me to. I just hope that none of the new adventures involve compression stockings.

Copyright 2018 Elaine M. Decker

Banned Words and Phrases for 2018

As we round the bend into 2018, it’s time for my annual list of banned words and phrases. I had hoped that, in a departure from last year, they would not be inspired by the presidential election or political mayhem. Fat chance. That influence is inescapable. However, unlike the CDC in Trump’s administration, I’m not forbidding the use of science-based, evidence-based, transgender or diversity. I also chose to take a pass on killing ‘covfefe.’ That’s so over already anyway.

The first word on my 2018 list is ‘sad,’ especially ‘so sad,’ and (worse yet) ‘sad, so sad.’ This word has become so overused that it’s at risk of losing all meaning. We need to save what’s left of it for things that are real tear-jerkers, like six-hankie movies. Or the Syrian and Rohingyan refugees. Consider those uses exempt from the injunction.

Fie on any compilers of 2018’s banned words who don’t include ‘fake news.’ Our president sees two types of news: sympathetic articles that agree with him, and fake news. Certain media outlets are never in his favor and hence are always assumed to be purveyors of fake. So there’s no need for him to call them out on that.

Another phrase that Trump uses ad nauseam that I’m tossing onto the ash heap of lexicography is: ‘That I can tell you.’ In 2017, I dispossessed folks of ‘believe me.’ ‘That I can tell you’ became its replacement, often followed up by ‘I have proof,’ but that professed proof is never presented. You might as well give up ‘I have proof,’ too. That will save me having to ban it in 2019.

Last year I took ‘rigged’ away from everyone. This year I’m following up that prohibition with one against ‘crooked.’ Consider this as punishment for those who continued to use ‘rigged’ against code. I dare you to find another similar word for me to go after in 2019.

I refuse to let anyone say ‘collusion’ in 2018. I put this word on my banned list even before the president used it 16 times in his end of December interview with the NY Times. I don’t care which side of the political aisle you’re on; you need another way to describe it. I’m not naïve enough to think we can live without the concept of collusion. How about using ‘secret cooperation’ instead? I can always outlaw that next year.

It may come as a surprise that I’m also forbidding ‘#metoo.’ While I support the movement, the generic hashtag has become a cliché. It’s been applied to such a broad spectrum of offenses that it’s lost it’s meaning. Harassment is a serious problem. We need to focus on the most egregious examples if we expect to create change. If folks want to hashtag a personal experience, let them be more specific, as in #mepinched or #mebuttslapped.

I’m also done with ‘tipping point.’ Too many bad behaviors reached tipping points last year—fraternity hazing, sexual predation. Likewise for climate change—the California fires, hurricane flooding, polar ice melt. The idea that we don’t pay attention to these issues until they reach a tipping point is unacceptable. If I ban ‘tipping point,’ there’s a chance we’ll address such problems as soon as they arise and not wait for them to tip out of control.

By now we should all have had our fill of the meme inspired by the Bud Light medieval-themed commercials. I’m referring to ‘dilly dilly.’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8Cb5Wk2t-8. I’ve always enjoy the refrain when sung in “Lavender Blue,” the 1959 hit by Sammy Turner https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQamRxRj6PE. But the meme has gotten out of hand. Ben Roethlisberger even used it as a snap count in a November NFL game. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BYKkJ2HKjY. Really? Admit it. Dilly dilly has become silly silly.

Here’s a phrase that I can do without, and you have CNN correspondent Dana Bash to thank for this one. In 2018, you will no longer be able to ‘put a button on it.’ Find another way to say that you’re summing up the conversation or debate. By the way, ‘put a button on it’ just barely edged out ‘put a pin in it’ for this year’s list.

Finally, say goodbye to ‘pleasure’ when it’s used as a verb, as in “to pleasure oneself.” The images this conjures up make me gag, especially if it’s Harvey Weinstein doing it. It also ruins the word 'pleasure' when it’s used as a noun, and that’s a perfectly good word.

With mid-term elections taking place in 2018, I expect to collect some treasures to ban in 2019. But for now, let’s just put a pin in this.