On a recent drive back from a
restaurant where the meal had been a disappointment, my husband apologized to
me even though the food choice had been mine. I told him: “You’re always so
willing to take the blame.” He said: “If I weren’t planning on being cremated,
that’s what I would want on my tombstone.” I laughed. “Yes, yours should read: I was willing to take the blame. And then
mine would read: Because he was always
wrong.” That kept us laughing most of the way home.
This gave me the idea that husbands
and wives should plan their paired tombstone messages well in advance. Here are
some combinations that I’ve come up with.
Hers: But I wasn’t finished…
His: She was never finished.
Hers: Does this headstone make me
look fat?
His: Not if you stay below ground.
(Think
about that one awhile.)
His: Snored like a woodcutter.
Hers: Buried with earplugs, just in
case.
His: Her cooking killed me.
Hers: Technically, it was my
skillet. (He should have ducked.)
Hers: Are you listening?
His: Were you talking to me?
His: My work here is done.
Hers: His work never started. Mine
never ended.
His: Gone too soon.
Hers: It depends on whom you ask.
Hers: I told you I was sick.
His: Every day for forty-five
years.
Hers: Going out in style.
His: You’re wearing that for eternity?
Hers: He always made me laugh.
His: That wasn’t the plan.
Hers: The fun is over.
His: It never started.
His: I’m sorry.
Hers: He should be.
Hers: You can take the girl out of
New Jersey, but…
His: Just put her back when you’re
done.
(Think
about that for a minute…)
Hers: Beloved wife and mother.
His: If you say so, dear.
I could keep going, but I’ll let
you have some fun with this on your own.
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