Signs You Need A Retirement Hobby

Two years into my retirement it hit me: I really need to find a new hobby. There are a number of signs you should recognize if you’ve also reached that point.

The sign that really brought this home to me had to do with watching TV, and not just any TV.

·      You watch so much Retro TV in the afternoon that Gunsmoke, Bonanza and The Big Valley are now in reruns.

Reruns of reruns. Really? How pathetic is that? And if that’s not bad enough:

·      You know exactly how the rabbit ears need to be positioned for each of the 12 channels your TV can receive so you get the best reception for each one.

Then there are the telltale signs that have to do with making things into projects.

·      You’ve written down the steps you go through when you put on your walking shoes. “Get shoes. Loosen laces. Pull out tongue. Get yard-long shoehorn. Insert shoehorn. Insert foot. Straighten tongue. Tighten laces. Tie laces: right-over-left, left-over-right, makes a square knot, good and tight.” Repeat.

·      You’ve darned three dozen socks in the past two months. Some of your darning has been re-darned.

·      You check the bottom of your husband’s clothes closet, hoping to find some laundry that needs to be done.

Even those who are avid readers and consider having more time to read during retirement to be a hobby might need to find a new one. Recognize any of these?

·      When you sit down to read a book, you fall asleep in ten minutes.

·      You check your email every half hour.

·      You wait at the front door for the mailman and hope he has several text-dense catalogues you can read—page by page.

·      You memorized the second edition of Excel for Dummies, even though it’s 17 years out of date.

Some other signs reflect a lack of focus. Or compulsive behavior. Or both.

·      You stare at the 7-day vitamin container each morning, trying to remember what day it is. (And your husband is no help at all.)

·      You feed your cat four times a day. Lately he’s been hiding under the bed when he hears you coming up the stairs in the middle of the afternoon.

·      You prepare a detailed shopping list at least twice a week, even though you go for groceries only once. You count the number of eggs in the carton three times before you remember to write down whether you need to buy them or not. Then you leave the list on the kitchen table when you finally go shopping. So you buy more eggs, just in case. You now have four cartons in the fridge. Two of them are partially used.

Oh, yes. Most of us can’t wait to be retired. All that extra time on our hands! But be careful what you wish for. Or else get some great recipes for egg salad. And adopt a few more cats.