The summer Olympics kicked off this
weekend. Not surprisingly, this had me looking into what events exist expressly
for retirees’ participation. Many of them will be familiar to you, as they are
variations on regular Olympic events. I expect that some of them will catch you
off guard. All promise to be compelling spectator sports.
Name That Country
One of the staples of Olympic TV
coverage is the parade of nations at the opening ceremony. You’d think the list
of countries would be predictable, at least for each season (from one summer
games to the next, from one winter to the next). It turns out there are new
nations for virtually every Olympics. The Name That Country event challenges
retirees to pair each country’s name from the 1950’s or earlier with its name
in the current Olympics. If you know what happened to Dahomey, Affars and
Issas, and Dutch Guiana, you could be a medalist in Name That Country.
1 Kilometer Tricycle
The 1 kilometer tricyle race has
been designed especially for retirees. Riders go two and a half times around
the track and field oval. It’s their own job to keep count of how many times
they’ve pedaled around. (Good luck with that.) If you can maintain your balance
through the curves, you have a good chance of winning this highly-competitive
Olympic event. Crash helmets and knee pads are required gear.
100 Meter Shuffle Walk
Similar to race walking, but less
physically demanding, the shuffle walk is just what it sounds like. Competitors
must shuffle the full distance of the race. The soles of their feet may not
leave the ground at any time during the event. Oh, one other thing. Athletes
must wear bedroom slippers for the shuffle walk.
25 Meter Doggy Paddle
This is a swimming contest geared
to the cardio-vascular limitations of most retirees. The 25 meter doggy paddle
prohibits swimmers from using any of the strokes in regular Olympic swimming
events. That means no breaststroke, no Australian crawl, no butterfly, no
backstroke. Just the tried-and-true doggy paddle. Bow wow.
Gymnastics Barrel Roll
In this gymnastics event, you lie
prone and roll diagonally from one corner of the mat to the other. Scoring is
based primarily on the quickest time, but you do earn extra points for rolling
style. Generally, those shaped most like a barrel have the best success with
this event.
Swimwear Attire Challenge
This event is new to the 2012
Olympics for Retirees. It tests the athlete’s ability to get into and out of a
wet, full-body racing suit. You know, those sleek, Lycra unitards that leave
nothing to the imagination about the wearer’s personal gear. Any woman who has
tried to get back into her wet, one-piece suit after using the rest room at the
pool can appreciate how demanding this event will be.
Slide ‘N’ Splash
This favorite of aquatics buffs is
patterned after the old cannonball diving event. It awards medals to the
swimmers who make the biggest splash after coming down the slide into the pool.
There is absolutely no credit given for style. However, you do receive extra
points for each spectator sitting poolside whom you are able to soak with your
splash landing.
Members of the British
Commonwealth
This event is similar to the Name That Country one. There are 54 members in the Commonwealth of Nations (formerly
known as the British Commonwealth). These are not to be confused with British
and Commonwealth protectorates, which in turn are not to be confused with
protected states. Or are they? In this rapid-fire nation-claiming event,
contestants must lift either a Union Jack flag (if the country is a member of
the Commonwealth), a plain yellow flag (former protectorate) or a white one
(former protected state). You can also wave the white flag if you give up.
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