Retirement Updates — Product Potpourri

This week’s post is a potpourri, and a short one at that. There’s a major conference going on at my alma mater and I have some houseguests, so time is crunchier than usual. I’m sharing some product updates plucked from recent news reports. This doesn’t really tie into retirement, except that the fact that I’m retired affords me the "luxury" of watching the TV shows that feature this type of information and time for reading the miscellaneous blurbs buried in the back pages of periodicals.

First, those 1980’s Jellies plastic shoes are back. You know, the ones made with no animal products that started as children’s footwear and caught on with adults. Or pseudo-adults. The originals were a T-bar, or fisherman style sandal. Now we’re seeing ballerina flats, bows and flowers affixed to the shoes, perforated designs and even high-heeled jellies. I don’t know about you, but a high-heeled jelly seems like a visual oxymoron to me.

I did some further checking. You can get jelly tote bags and jelly purses if you’d like, and there are even designer jelly handbags (by Michael Kors, for one.) Designer jelly anything is another oxymoron in my opinion. There are also jelly belts, which I assume are purely decorative. If I wore a jelly belt, it would no doubt stretch well beyond its intended dimensions. And don’t even go where you’re thinking about jelly bellies…

I couldn’t find any jelly hats or vests online, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. Likewise no jelly suspenders, but I put them in the same category as belts—not at all practical. Personally, I’d like to see a jelly cat harness. I doubt that Luke would be happy in one, but he’d look cute as a button. Speaking of… jelly buttons would be awesome! (Not to be confused with belly buttons. And once again, forget about jelly bellies.)

The other category of new products I’d like to put on your radar is containers for wine. The word on the street is that wine-in-a-box has lost its stigma. There’s a wide array of choices now available boxed, from single serves, to family reunion size. Franzia, sold boxed at Trader Joe’s, claims to be the world’s most popular wine.

I suppose it was only a matter of time until one could buy wine in a purse. The Volére wine handbag is just adorable. The spigot comes out of one side, and you’d hardly know it was there. It comes in red, (off) white, and rosé colors. You can get this one at Stew Leonard’s.

Some of you no doubt see where I’m headed when these two stories merge. The next thing you know, we’ll be able to buy jelly shoes with spigots on their toes, ready to dispense wine on the go. Is this a great country, or what?