When most of you think of cruise ships, you probably imagine destination cruises to places like Caribbean islands, Nordic fjords or European rivers. Today you’ll learn about specialized cruises where the ship sails into international waters and drops anchor. Each deck features a different activity; the cruisers sign up in advance and usually stay on that deck for the duration of the cruise.
This idea came to me after seeing an article in the New York Times revealing that some cruise ships now have jails and morgues. Imagine sharing a cruise with a boatload of imprisoned felons. Or exploring the ship and happening upon a door labeled “Morgue.” On the other hand, selecting your trip based on some activity you love and being able to spend a week doing it on the bounding main with others who also love it could have strong appeal. Herewith are my suggestions for specialty cruises.
There will of course be a deck dedicated to yoga, but there will be no goats. Each type of yoga will have its own section of the deck with mats color-coded so that participants don’t accidentally plop their butts in the wrong section. Imagine if a kundalini adherent wound up on a vinyasa mat!
The increasingly popular discipline of wall climbing will also be represented. “Rock” placement will begin with an easy section toward the stern of the ship and become increasingly more difficult as the wall progresses toward the bow. Climbing shoes will be available for rent for those who neglected to bring their own. And no, you can’t show off by climbing barefoot.
An obvious deck will be one devoted to Mahjong. Just imagine rows and rows of tables with perfectly coiffed ladies in gold lamé dresses and sequined ballet slippers! A cruise made in heaven for women who don’t know what deck their husbands are on and don’t care. The men, on the other hand, may very well be on one of the upper decks enjoying the cigar bar and perhaps visiting the tattoo parlor. The cigars won’t pollute the rest of the decks; the smoke will waft out the portals and drift upward.
We expect the deck that is dedicated to line dancing to be over-subscribed, so if that’s one that interests you, be sure to book early. That will also enable you to request your preferred dances. The Electric Slide and the Cowboy Cha Cha will be included even if no one requests them. The Cupid Shuffle will help beginners get into this predictable wedding activity. Rest assured you won’t be subjected to the Macarena or the YMCA.
Not surprisingly, there will be a deck dedicated to sun bathing. It will have normal cabins, but a considerable portion will be open to the sky. A secluded section will be reserved for those who want to stretch out in the altogether. In the evening this deck will feature celestial navigation. That secluded section will still be available for nude “relaxation.” If these turn out to be in demand, there will be a sign up sheet for reservations. Please don’t use aliases for this sheet.
You might expect to find decks for card games and board games but there won’t be. Those are far too pedestrian. Not to mention how difficult it would be to decide which ones to include and which ones to eliminate. So no poker; no bridge; no canasta; no checkers; no Monopoly; no Clue. Likewise, you can forget jigsaw puzzles and book clubs. Also, we have no interest in competing with other cruise lines, so we won’t have a casino or a pickle ball court.
Our final deck is what I call the participation deck. Cruisers who sign up plan either to participate in the entertainment activity or to enthusiastically heckle the performers. This is a shared deck. The stern hosts the stand-up comedy performances. Wannabe comics test their chops here. The bow hosts the poetry slam, where aspiring poets try out their own material. Hecklers can wander between the two areas.
Including the prison and morgue, there will be nine decks on these specialty cruises. (The cigar bar and tattoo parlor will share a deck.) You’ll have plenty of choices, but book your passage early to be sure to get the deck with your favorite activity.
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