Are you unsure whether the leggings
you’re wearing will qualify as pants for United Airlines check-in? Here are ten
signs that they will not pass muster for that or any other fashion police
scrutiny.
1. We
can read the name of the week on the fanny of your underpants through them.
2. Your
waistband has converted your muffin top into three bagels and another part of
your anatomy into two scones.
3. The
color of your leggings starts out black at your ankles, but by the time they
reach your thighs, they’re light gray with beige undertones.
4. We
can count the hairs at the first letter of that place where the Village People
thought it was fun to stay.
5. You
don’t need to bend over for us to see your plumber’s butt.
6. You
had to pull so hard to get them on that they are now footless, but they didn’t
start out that way.
7. Honey
Boo Boo’s fan club elected you president and you aren’t even a member.
8. Your
thighs are still jiggling like Jell-O five minutes after you sit down.
9. We’re
actually grateful that you wore a thong underneath them.
10. Your smart
phone refuses to take a full-body selfie of you and the Geek Squad can’t find a
technical explanation.
If you can answer ‘yes’ to any of
these criteria, best to change into a pair of blue jeans before you leave for
the airport. Or else put on a long tunic from Omar the Tentmaker’s latest
fashion catalog. You might find last season’s styles on sale at Walmart.
