Retirement Reflections — Giving Thanks, 2011 Edition

Jagdish and I have just come back from our Thanksgiving pilgrimage to family in Vermont. It seems appropriate for this week’s post to reflect on things for which I’m thankful in 2011. I’m grateful for:

·      The warm memory of dear friends who are no longer with us, and for the inspiration they have given me and continue to give me.

·      Another Thanksgiving with the whole family together—that’s the whole family based in the continental 48. Rick didn’t travel East from Hawaii.

·      The gas discount program at our RI supermarket. I saved 70¢ a gallon on my last fill-up. That’s a big help for round trips to Vermont, where—my sister tells me—their regional market has an even more lucrative gas discount program. (Yet another reason to retire there.)

·      Strategically placed rest areas on the Interstates. Even better, “the blade” that James Dyson invented to dry your hands extra fast. If only more rest areas had them. By the way, his latest invention is a heater—the Hot—that can’t burn you. It’s really cool looking and it uses ceramic stones. The Hot is a tad pricey, so don’t expect them to replace the boxy heaters in those rest stops any time soon.

·      An unusually warm November and duvets, because our new gas boiler was backordered and I don’t want to have any more oil delivered while I’m waiting for the installation and changeover.

·      Facebook’s birthday reminder feature that jiggles me so I can easily send greetings to friends and family on their special day. And the notes of appreciation that they email back, making it well worth the time invested.

·      The life affirming snores and snorts emanating from the other side of the bed. (No noise is bad news… Or at least it could be.)

·      Effective and comfortable earplugs to muffle those snores and snorts—especially when we’re traveling and I can’t just mosey across the hall to sleep in our guest room.

·      Extra large boxes of tissues in cold and allergy season (aka snorting season). And even better — coupons and store promotions.

·      A handsome man in an orange fur suit, who is always happy when his mother returns home from a trip, even if she’s been away just two days. And his sister, even though she acts like she never noticed her mother was gone.

I am, of course, grateful for so much more. But this list of ten seems like a good one to share today. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, if you’re living someplace where it’s celebrated. If not, you can still join me in being grateful for the blessings in your own life this year.

Retirement Tips — Boring Ways To Spend Time

Like most new retirees, I have a lot of things on my to-do list. Many of them are items that had long been neglected during my working years. Despite having this list, there are days when I just don’t feel like tackling anything on it. Perhaps it’s a carryover from all those years of putting these things off.

Last week I had a day like that. I decided to call some former colleagues, just to check in and see how they’re doing. Not surprisingly, I reached lots of answering machines, and I dutifully left messages. As of two days later, none of them had called me back. Seems like the expression “out of sight, out of mind” was created with recent retirees in mind.

So how does a retiree spend those days when you need something to do, but you’re not in the mood for anything productive? As a service to all of us, I’ve put together a list of boring ways to spend time, and watching the grass grow and paint dry didn’t make the cut.

It may seem counterintuitive to provide a list of boring things to do to cope with boredom. Everything is relative. The items on my list should make taking a nap seem like an adrenaline rush by comparison.

1.     Calibrate the timer you use to color your hair; make sure it’s in sync with the one that you use when you boil eggs.

2.     Use one of the calibrated timers to see how long it takes for your cat’s shadow to move three feet across the rug in the sunroom. The cat should not be in motion during this exercise.

3.     Read (or re-read) all the paperwork you’ve received about the annual Medicare open enrollment period. Don’t forget that it ends earlier this year—December 7^th.

4.     Line up your herbs and spices in alphabetical order. You can do this within the two subgroups, or you can combine the two together into one big alpha grouping, whichever you find most boring.

5.     Clip your cats’ toenails. That’s all your cats, all their paws, all their toes. Do not try to do this while you are timing their shadows.

6.     Call your own number from your phone. Count how many busy signals you get before the call goes into limbo. This works best from a landline.

7.     Weigh yourself every hour on the hour to see if you’ve lost anything from the last check-in. You do not have to exercise between weigh-ins. In fact, the less active you are, the more boring the task will become.

8.     Reorganize the sock drawer, grouping them by color—black to the left, brightest colors to the right. When you’re done, dump the drawer out onto your bed and do it a second time, reversing the order. Repeat this exercise two more times, or until you’re so bored that you’d rather time the cat’s shadow again.

9.     Catalogue all the food in your pantry, noting the sodium content. Then calculate the average per serving and vow not to re-buy anything with sodium in the top quartile.

10. Make a list of 10 things that you think are boring to do. Read your list out loud. Then read this list out loud. Decide which list sound the most boring. Read that one out loud again.

Congratulations! You are now done with this boring retirement exercise. Feel free to celebrate with a nice glass of wine. I’m going to.

Retirement Well-being—Chants for Retirees

Numerous studies have demonstrated that meditation and chanting improve one’s health. Sounds—especially repetitive ones—can reduce your blood pressure, control your heart rate and help you tolerate pain. The power of mantras is in mind over matter. Chanting has been used to treat everything from trauma to insomnia. It can also help you find inner wisdom.

Proper chanting requires that you breathe deeply to help get rid of the emotional toxins inside you. You also need to choose a powerful mantra (a word or short phrase) that is appropriate to the cause at hand. The most effective chants employ long vowel sounds. Finally, you need to repeat that mantra over and over—perhaps as many as 50 times. The goal is to set up a profound vibration in your energy core.

Gregorian Chants and the Hindu om are the most common examples of ritualistic chanting. Today you will learn a series of chants created especially for retirees. They address a range of issues that should be familiar to you. Be sure to use the right mantra for your specific goal, whether it’s purging a toxin from your emotional psyche or finding the path to retirement enlightenment.

For worries about Social Security payments being reduced:

Place yourself in a comfortable position, hands folded across your chest. Inhale deeply. Begin chanting: “Lock Box. Lock Box.” Be sure to draw out the “o” sounds. Visualize the lock box. Mentally check the latch to make sure it is locked. Continue chanting until your pulse slows to a relaxed rate.

For concerns about Medicare prescription drug costs:

Place yourself in a seated position, arms above your head, with palms touching. Inhale deeply. Begin chanting: “Donut Hole. Donut Hole.” Once again, be sure to draw out the “o” sounds. Visualize an enormous donut; focus on the hole. Now fill it with an equally enormous Munchkin. Continue chanting until the Munchkin has totally plugged the hole in the center of the donut.

For severe joint pain, especially due to arthritis:

Lie flat on your back, arms at your side. Inhale deeply. Begin chanting: “Glu-co-sa-mine. Glu-co-sa-mine.” Pronounce each syllable as though it is a separate word. Visualize a cold compress being applied to the primary site of your pain. Continue this mantra for 25 repetitions. Then switch to the mantra “Cap-sa-i-cin. Cap-sa-i-cin” for 25 repetitions. Visualize a hot compress being applied to the primary site of your pain. Alternate these two mantras until both compresses reach room temperature.

For problems with your digestive system:

Place yourself in a seated position, hands in your lap. Inhale deeply. Begin chanting: “Fiber. Fiber. Whole Grain Fiber.” Repeat this rhythmic mantra 50 times. It should set up a sympathetic rhythm in your digestive tract that will clear up your problems. Repeat as necessary.

For help finding your true passion in retirement.

Stand with your back flat against the wall, arms at your side. Slowly slide your arms up to shoulder level, keeping them against the wall. Then slowly bring them across your body as if in a gentle embrace. Repeat this sequence as you chant: “Focus. Focus.” Systematically review every happy event in your life, beginning as early as you can remember. Those that seem most in focus will provide clues to your passion. If nothing comes into focus, you may want to have your eyes checked.

For insomnia at night, leading to the need to nap during the day:

Lie on your back in bed at night and elevate your head with a fluffy pillow. The success of this chant lies in the tension between the mantra itself and the imagery used. Visualize a large cup of coffee—big enough to keep you awake through a four hour drive. The coffee is extremely hot and you are drinking it slowly. Begin chanting “Decaf. Decaf.” Continue for 50 repetitions or until you fall asleep, whichever comes first. Important! Be sure to go to the bathroom before you get into bed.

For chronic feelings of anxiety:

Take whatever position you want to; you’re going to be uncomfortable in it regardless. Close your eyes tightly. Picture something specific that makes you feel anxious. Inhale deeply. Exhale slowly. Repeat this breathing pattern. Each time that you exhale, chant your anxiety mantra. For Jewish readers, your mantra is: “Oy Vey.” For Catholic readers, your mantra is “Mama Mia.” For all other readers, your mantra is: “As If.” If your chanting doesn’t seem to be relieving your anxiety, try one of the mantras for another faith. You do not need to convert to do this.

As we become aware of additional mantras that are especially appropriate for retirees, we’ll pass them along. In the meantime, we hope you’ll make meditative chanting part of your daily retirement routine. Along with a nice glass of wine, of course.

Retirement Realities—Losing Friends

Several times over the past few days I’ve sat down with the intention of working on this week’s post. Each time my thought process was sidetracked by the reality that one of my most devoted followers will no longer be out there to read my blog. I decided to dedicate this post to him.

I first met H. Peter Olsen, III when I began working as the Executive Director for a nonprofit about five years ago. He was one of about thirty board members and it was clear from the start that we would become friends.

Peter and I had both spent much of our careers working at large companies—he at a prestigious law firm, I at a Fortune 500 corporation. We looked at philanthropy as serious business, but we didn’t take ourselves too seriously. At his funeral service last week, the priest referred to Peter’s sage advice and his wit, qualities that I especially appreciated.

Even after I retired, we stayed in contact, mostly through email. When I decided to publish my first year of RetirementSparks posts, I realized that I would need some extra eyes to proof the pages. Peter was one of a handful of friends that I contacted and he readily agreed to help. He actually seemed honored that I had asked him.

Peter had retired shortly before I did. He was dealing with some serious health issues, but he was doing remarkably well. In an ironic twist of fate, it was an accident—a fall—that led to his untimely passing.

This sad event brought me full circle to what led me to blog in the first place. My dear friend Sheryl died unexpectedly about three years ago. Her death made me realize that we never know when the moving finger of fate will write our name in the sand. I decided to retire as soon as the numbers made sense, which was shortly after I was eligible for Medicare.

My secret ambition had always been to be a writer. The absurdity of the Medicare paperwork and process were the impetus to start blogging. The rest, as they say, is history.

Thank you for allowing me this indulgence of remembering not just one, but two dear friends who have gone on before us. If you’re out there trying to decide if it’s time for you to retire, I offer this advice. If you can do it, you should do it.

None of us knows how long we’ll have to pursue our passions, to chase our dreams. In the movies and on Broadway, there’s always tomorrow, just a day away. In real life, sadly, we can never be sure.